broodjets

***Sometimes we realize certain things we never realized before and other times we realize things we always have and never change our minds on it (like Junior always having been a fan of the Friday Email since Day 1).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Realization.” Have a great weekend!***

Sometimes we’re oblivious but we all need to realize certain things.  I saw someone driving put their hand up at me as I zoomed by them (at first, I thought they were waving to say hi to me until I saw them cursing at me).  Moise walked in and said hey to me and I didn’t answer.  I’m sitting here intensely focusing on work (at least that’s my story).  He said what’s wrong you’re not a quiet type of guy.  I realized I ignored Moise.  I said wow, the Knicks are amazing.  Moise said why?  Are they going to the playoffs?  Uh Moise they’re in the NBA Finals (and now champions).  I thought you follow basketball.  He said he used to.  I just realized he didn’t follow it much now.  He googles it.  Wow, they’re doing good!  I told you already.  I told Junior something and he asked are you telling this to irritate me.  I said no I’m not, but then I realized I do enjoy irritating him so maybe that was at least part of the reason.  I realized my car needed a car wash so I told Moise I’ll be there next Saturday and ask Joshua if he could help like last time.  He said you don’t need a carwash you need a new car.  He bangs on my car to see how plastic it is.  But newer cars are even more plastic.  Junior handed me his credit card to pick him up a slice of pizza.  Upon the realization that I had legal possession of Junior’s credit card, I asked Moise if he wanted anything for lunch.  When I got back with Junior’s lunch, I asked him for a tip.  I realized that Junior was not going to be a generous tipper with me from the look on his face.  Abby asked if I go to school for big kids or little kids.  I told her I graduated to big kids’ school but then I realized that Junior always tells me I’m just like a little kid so maybe I should go back.  Moise was telling me something he did.  I was just talking about it.  Moise then realized I’m judging him.  He says I didn’t ask you to judge me.  But that’s part of the fun Moise.  I realized I was frustrating Moise and he said I’m going to shake you.  I believe shaking someone is against the HR rulebook at work, so you must do that on the weekends.  I told Moise that Abby should be a teacher when she grows up.  Moise said no she wants to be a police officer.  He told me Joshua wants to be a fire fighter just to ride in the truck with the siren going off (but when people realize there isn’t a fire and Joshua is just playing with the alarm, won’t they get mad?).  It’s like those cops who put their siren on and speed by you as if they have an emergency and then you, they pull up to Dunkin.  I took Junior’s heater when he went to lunch.  It’s freezing painfully cold with the a/c in our room (sorry for those who are experiencing a lack of AC, but we are more than willing to share plenty of this with you).  He comes back and I say a sarcastic Hello Junior.  He says why are you being sarcastic?  Because it’s 1 of the 7 days of the week Junior (and I have your heater which you have not realized yet).  Once he realized it, he yelled at me.  Mission accomplished.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I realize you may forget, but please realize I will nag you until you do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you take something of Junior’s without his permission (I call it borrowing) make sure you put it back before he realizes it.
Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***One morning last week I was driving to work and saw a sign saying a speed limit of 35MPH while I glanced at my speedometer which read 60MPH.  I guess I should take a hint at the local speed limits sometimes.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Hints.” Have a great weekend!***

We all need to take a hint sometimes.  How obvious must someone be to get their point across (you know like some obnoxious email every Friday for years being sent out by an obnoxious person)?  I told Junior something.  He said ok.  Then I made an obnoxious comment under my breath.  Junior said what did you say?  Take a hint, Junior.  It wasn’t anything good.  Damian met a dog and wanted to say hi, but the owner told me that her dog is shy.  Damian didn’t take the hint and tried to play with her anyway.  Damian gave me hints last week.  I was getting ready for work, but he was acting weird.  He knows my routines.  I know his.  But he was acting like I wasn’t supposed to go to work.  He looked at me going to my car, which he never does.  He knows when I am leaving and coming back.  No big deal.  I sat in my car and got the call saying the power is out turn around and go home (that was easy since I literally was about to turn the key in my car to leave home).  Damian knew the power was out before I did, I guess.  These workers come into the office on the day the a/c isn’t working, and they said it’s not that hot in here.  Meanwhile, they look like they just took a bath from all the sweat on them from working outside.  I gave them a hint and said well when you’re outside in 95 degrees of heat you probably don’t think it’s bad here.  I didn’t see Moise for like a whole week.  Moise said he’s coming, and I said Junior and I can’t wait.  Junior didn’t respond to that so that’s a hint he can wait, I guess.  It felt like forever I said.  He said I missed you, so we went to get coffee.  Junior looked ill at the lovefest.  Moise and I were talking on the phone and got disconnected 5 times in 2 minutes.  I said it’s your phone.  He said it’s yours.  Maybe we should both take a hint, and both get a new phone.  I apologized to Moise because I was late to call him.  He said it’s okay, I’m always late.  I guess he takes a hint when I constantly get on him about being late.  I found someone more sarcastic than me and hinted that to Junior.  He couldn’t believe that was possible.  I told Moise that something was not a good idea.  I asked whose idea was this?  He says yours.  Oh, I should have taken the hint before asking that question.  Junior was saying he was going on a ladder to do something.  I don’t do ladders Junior.  I don’t like heights and even if someone is holding the ladder, I always thought someone would push it over on purpose.  Like take a hint, they’re mad at me.  Abby wanted to know my car’s name.  What’s she hinting at naming it the Abby mobile and claiming ownership of it?  Joshua was wearing his sunglasses and Abby hinted (by bluntly saying) she needed them for the sun.  I told her I already got you a pair for your birthday.  She says Joshua took them.  I guess that was Abby’s blunt hint for me to get her a new pair.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I may not hint at wanting you to do your timesheet (I’m blunter about it) because it’s important.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you’ve got an extra pair of sunglasses please send them to Abby so she can enjoy the summer sunshine

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Your job this long holiday weekend is to enjoy it but before you do your job is to do your timesheet (the other stuff you’re being asked to do by your supervisor is secondary to your timesheet).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Jobs.” Have a great weekend!***

We all have jobs like we work for Savin.  But in life we all have multiple jobs like maybe being a parent.  Or your job could be to criticize your sports team on sports talk radio (since you can’t play yourself, you may as well criticize the professionals making all the money).  Moise was calling Junior to ask him something but didn’t realize Junior had already answered his question in a text.  It’s your job to check your texts before calling him Moise. I gave Moise the “remains” of my bag of trail mix.  He asked if I only gave it to him because I’m buying a new one.  No, I took out all the M&Ms so I’m done with the bag.  You can eat the rest.  He says you are a kid.  It’s part of my job.  Moise wanted a new bag. I told him I will send you the GPS directions to the store Moise (that’s GPS’s job after all).  I reminded Junior of something we had to do, but he said don’t think you reminded me I was already doing it.  It’s my job to remind you Junior in an annoying way whether you remembered or forgot to do something.  Junior was saying how he got a great salad at this lunch place and wants everyone to get it, especially Moise because he needs to eat some salad.  Is it Junior’s job to critique Moise’s eating habits?  Moise says it’s 3:42 (because we needed to finish stuff before the day ended) and I said congratulations you know how to tell time.  It’s my job to make an unsolicited remark to stuff, Moise says.  Moise gave me something.  I said you trust me with this. He says if I don’t trust you by now…and I cut him off before he could continue with well, I don’t trust myself to be honest Moise.  Joshua and Abby had a contest to see who could give me a high 5 slap of the hand harder.  It was a tie and painful after the first few high fives.  Junior was asking something of Moise.  But kind of lecturing simultaneously while asking him.  Moise says skip the lecture.  That’s his job, Moise.  Moise asked me how to word this email.  I say basically just say you’ll be out on these dates, and that’s it.  He says no that’s too fast.  Ok let me say it slower Moise.  I…will…be…out. He says stop that come on, it’s taking too long now for you to say it.  It’s my job to give you a difficult time.  Junior was telling me about this deal he got.  He will do a lot of work and put time into finding a good deal (now whether it will work after that person does the job for cheap that’s another story for another Friday Email).  Moise asked Abby how many daughters he has.  Joshua said 5.  Perish the thought.  The job of being a parent is difficult enough.  Abby asked me to get dirt off her finger. I mean that’s what I’m here for.  It’s my job. Abby wanted me to play hide and go seek with her, so I covered my eyes (while peeking of course) and told her to hide.  She told me I’m cheating.  I thought the job of the seeker was to find the hider Abby not play by the rules.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember it’s my job to remind you every Friday.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you play hide and seek with Abby and try peeking, she will call you out on the spot for doing so.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***After having fun with Joshua and Abby for a few hours, I feel the need to go home and recharge my battery (They make me tired).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Recharge Your Battery.” Have a great weekend!

Life can make you tired sometimes.  And you need to take a break to recharge your battery.  I can’t remember the last time I changed my car battery yet somehow when I had my mechanic test it recently, he said the battery was still properly charged.  Moise asked me how to say I am sorry.  Uh I…am…sorry?  Or you could do it the way I do it sometimes which is not say you’re sorry and simply hope the person forgets what you did to make them mad eventually after they recharge their battery.  Junior told me that he read the 3rd biggest day of the year is Mother’s Day (this Sunday) next to Christmas and Thanksgiving. I was surprised by that and said I thought it was Halloween.  He looked at me in disbelief and said Halloween!?  I’d probably put it ahead of Thanksgiving and Christmas Junior.  Moise was saying gas prices are high lately.  I said eh, it’s ok.  He says you want to fill up my tank for me.  Recharge your tank, not your battery?  I got quiet suddenly.  Moise told me his dad wanted to pay someone to mow his lawn.  Moise said it’s a ripoff how much they want to charge.  He said he would do it for his dad himself.  Nice.  He said he can do it for half that price that other person wanted to charge.  I should try that line on my mom (her response would have to be censored in the Friday Email).  Junior was reading an article.  He said some people exaggerate.  Then he looks at me in an accusatory way.  What Junior is that like after you exaggerate you need time to recharge your battery (for next week’s Friday Email) and “overexaggerate?”  Junior was afraid to see Damian, who he thought would bite him.  Recharge your battery and memory Junior that Rollins was the one you should fear, not Damian.  Junior was saying how he thought I went to Moise’s house the other week to wash my own car.  No Junior what kind of service is that?  Would you pull up to a car wash and get out of the car and start cleaning it yourself?  Joshua showed me his broken bike, so I said ok well you want a new bike.  Maybe he just needs his bike battery to be charged.  He said he wants a Lamborghini bike (that sounds cool).  Joshua dropped the concept of that and said he just wanted a Lamborghini car and of course Abby had to ask for one too (well Moise get on that immediately).  I asked Junior did you mow your lawn yesterday?  He says oh man I always have a story about stuff.  I told him “we” (aka this will be in the Friday Email) are all ears Junior.  He said I got a battery lawnmower but the battery lasts 30 minutes then I sit there an hour while it charges.  3 hours later I didn’t even get half the lawn cut.  I think Junior’s grass grows faster than his battery charges.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember to recharge your timesheet every Friday with the hours for the week.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if it takes you a full day to mow your lawn because you have to stop every 10 minutes due to an inefficient battery then you must have got the same lawnmower as Junior.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Junior was leaning against a car in the parking lot recently and then realized that wasn’t courteous, so he backed off the car but then said, “Oh it’s just Moise’s car” and went back to leaning against it.  Today’s Friday email is all about “Courtesy.” Have a great weekend!***

We all try to have common courtesy towards other people (unless we don’t like them).  This car in front of me was driving so slow it was annoying me.  It said, “Courteous Vehicle.”  If you were indeed a courteous vehicle, you’d drive faster before I speed around, you.  Moise was out and I put “Miss Moise” on my things to do list.  Junior didn’t have a courteous response to that.  I notice most people at Savin are courteous to me and say good morning.  But I always say what’s up instead.  My response isn’t so courteous I feel.  Abby was on the phone with me and told me she was going to press the red button.  That’s to hang up on me Abby (not very courteous) but I have been hung up on many times before by people.  I took Damian to the emergency room.  He got into a bag of cocoa powder and its toxic for dogs.  He’s there playing with the nurses.  Damian have some common courtesy, this is an emergency room not a playground.  The nurse tells me his heartbeat is 30 times in 15 seconds.  You must multiply it by 4, she says (to get the beats per minute 15 seconds x 4 = 60 seconds/1 minute).  Simple enough.  I said so basically 2 heart beats per second is ok.  She said no.  I said well 30 heart beats in 15 seconds would be 2 per second.  She said no.  Ok, I will be courteous and give up on the math lesson.  Moise was trying to put the key labeled B in the lock that says A and then wondered why it wouldn’t open.  Moise said well A and B are neighbors in the alphabet.  Moise was asking me for a template.  I said it’s my folder.  He says the Anthony folder.  My response was not so courteous to him “No, my uncle’s folder”.  Moise comes back from being off for a couple of days.  He was courteous and asked how Junior was.  I told him Junior was in a great mood because you weren’t here.  Moise is going to ask Junior a question.  I said Moise he’s going to get mad at that question.  Moise says that’s why I come here.  I took Damian to Moise’s house and Moise said if Damian does his business in his lawn, the daddy has to pick it up.  That’s only common courtesy Moise.  Moise was having me look at something he’s doing for work on his computer.  I told him this is annoying Moise.  He says you just keep talking.  My (not so courteous) plan was to annoy him enough, so he told me to go back to my desk.  It worked!  Junior called up a professional to put up a fence for him.  But he decided this is not a good deal.  Junior went the nonprofessional route and picked up a “friend” on a Saturday to help him (“friend” by Junior’s definition is someone who will help him for free and maybe Junior bought him a slice of pizza but unlikely).  Junior was all proud of it.  The fence looks good on a sunny day.  What about during a storm Junior?  He said he’s concerned about the deer knocking it over. If it’s as “sturdy” as I suspect I think a mosquito may knock it over Junior.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember common courtesy is to do it on Friday.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you see a mosquito flying towards Junior’s fence, the odds in Vegas are 50/50 (at best) for Junior’s fence to survive that collision.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***I told Moise recently that his mechanic friend Doctor Joe is great.  Moise says he’s crazy.  Both are 100% true Moise and don’t need to contradict each other (you can be both great and crazy).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Contradictions.” Have a great weekend!***

We all come across plenty of contradictions.  Sometimes we even contradict ourselves.  Someone told me that I’ve become more like Moise.  I said that’s a good thing and they said no you’ve only taken on his bad characteristics.  Wait there’s bad things about Moise?  I never knew that.  Sounds like a contradiction to me.  Moise told me to slow down when I was driving.  I asked why?  He said I don’t want you to get a ticket and put in the Friday Email that Moise made you get a ticket.  How would I blame you, Moise?  You told me to slow down, but I told me to speed up so I can’t blame you or that would be a total contradiction.  Abby told me she will invite me to a party she’s having with all her friends.  This looked like news to Moise and contradicting what he was planning.  Joshua and Abby’s neighbor came over to play with bikes.  There’s a total of 4 bikes available but only 3 kids to use them and somehow, they’re fighting over it.  That math contradicts my logic of 4 not being enough for 3.  Abby told me my car is her car.  I pulled out my insurance and showed her my name on it.  That contradicts your statement from earlier, Abby.  Everyone thinks AI will take over everything, but it won’t.  I called to talk to customer service.  This robot refused to let me.  The robot asked if they could help me.  I said no you can’t.  I answered the robot’s question and then what they replied with didn’t apply to what I’m asking about.  A contradiction.  Moise was in a PDF file (we thought) and nobody could open it.  Close it Moise.  He says I can’t open it.  Close it Moise.  He says I can’t open it.  How can I close it if I can’t open it, he says?  I guess that is a contradiction (and that means he didn’t have it open to begin with oops).  Junior almost dropped a whole can of sugar in the kitchen but caught it on his leg.  Impressive.  Maybe Junior and athletic aren’t total contradictions like I’ve always thought.  Moise said to me Junior isn’t in a good mood (but hadn’t even spoken to him yet).  I said Moise, he is in a good mood, I talked to him.  Moise says I don’t feel it.  Maybe that contradiction you’re feeling is because of you Moise and your effect on his mood.  Moise asked what a dog panting noise sounds like in the heat, so I did a dog panting noise.  It’s not going to contradict my professionalism (I already do that every Friday in this email).  Moise was washing his car in his driveway with his assistant Joshua.  He told me to pull up my car, and I got a free carwash.  I let Junior know about this great free service.  Moise said no Junior must pay for it.  I guess the service is a contradiction of being free for some people and not free for others.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I never contradict myself when I ask you to do it on Fridays all the time.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want a free car service just go to Moise’s driveway and if he likes you enough, you’ll get it for free but if not, you’re going to be handed a bill like Junior will be.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony