broodjets

***Junior was leaning against a car in the parking lot recently and then realized that wasn’t courteous, so he backed off the car but then said, “Oh it’s just Moise’s car” and went back to leaning against it.  Today’s Friday email is all about “Courtesy.” Have a great weekend!***

We all try to have common courtesy towards other people (unless we don’t like them).  This car in front of me was driving so slow it was annoying me.  It said, “Courteous Vehicle.”  If you were indeed a courteous vehicle, you’d drive faster before I speed around, you.  Moise was out and I put “Miss Moise” on my things to do list.  Junior didn’t have a courteous response to that.  I notice most people at Savin are courteous to me and say good morning.  But I always say what’s up instead.  My response isn’t so courteous I feel.  Abby was on the phone with me and told me she was going to press the red button.  That’s to hang up on me Abby (not very courteous) but I have been hung up on many times before by people.  I took Damian to the emergency room.  He got into a bag of cocoa powder and its toxic for dogs.  He’s there playing with the nurses.  Damian have some common courtesy, this is an emergency room not a playground.  The nurse tells me his heartbeat is 30 times in 15 seconds.  You must multiply it by 4, she says (to get the beats per minute 15 seconds x 4 = 60 seconds/1 minute).  Simple enough.  I said so basically 2 heart beats per second is ok.  She said no.  I said well 30 heart beats in 15 seconds would be 2 per second.  She said no.  Ok, I will be courteous and give up on the math lesson.  Moise was trying to put the key labeled B in the lock that says A and then wondered why it wouldn’t open.  Moise said well A and B are neighbors in the alphabet.  Moise was asking me for a template.  I said it’s my folder.  He says the Anthony folder.  My response was not so courteous to him “No, my uncle’s folder”.  Moise comes back from being off for a couple of days.  He was courteous and asked how Junior was.  I told him Junior was in a great mood because you weren’t here.  Moise is going to ask Junior a question.  I said Moise he’s going to get mad at that question.  Moise says that’s why I come here.  I took Damian to Moise’s house and Moise said if Damian does his business in his lawn, the daddy has to pick it up.  That’s only common courtesy Moise.  Moise was having me look at something he’s doing for work on his computer.  I told him this is annoying Moise.  He says you just keep talking.  My (not so courteous) plan was to annoy him enough, so he told me to go back to my desk.  It worked!  Junior called up a professional to put up a fence for him.  But he decided this is not a good deal.  Junior went the nonprofessional route and picked up a “friend” on a Saturday to help him (“friend” by Junior’s definition is someone who will help him for free and maybe Junior bought him a slice of pizza but unlikely).  Junior was all proud of it.  The fence looks good on a sunny day.  What about during a storm Junior?  He said he’s concerned about the deer knocking it over. If it’s as “sturdy” as I suspect I think a mosquito may knock it over Junior.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember common courtesy is to do it on Friday.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you see a mosquito flying towards Junior’s fence, the odds in Vegas are 50/50 (at best) for Junior’s fence to survive that collision.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***I told Moise recently that his mechanic friend Doctor Joe is great.  Moise says he’s crazy.  Both are 100% true Moise and don’t need to contradict each other (you can be both great and crazy).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Contradictions.” Have a great weekend!***

We all come across plenty of contradictions.  Sometimes we even contradict ourselves.  Someone told me that I’ve become more like Moise.  I said that’s a good thing and they said no you’ve only taken on his bad characteristics.  Wait there’s bad things about Moise?  I never knew that.  Sounds like a contradiction to me.  Moise told me to slow down when I was driving.  I asked why?  He said I don’t want you to get a ticket and put in the Friday Email that Moise made you get a ticket.  How would I blame you, Moise?  You told me to slow down, but I told me to speed up so I can’t blame you or that would be a total contradiction.  Abby told me she will invite me to a party she’s having with all her friends.  This looked like news to Moise and contradicting what he was planning.  Joshua and Abby’s neighbor came over to play with bikes.  There’s a total of 4 bikes available but only 3 kids to use them and somehow, they’re fighting over it.  That math contradicts my logic of 4 not being enough for 3.  Abby told me my car is her car.  I pulled out my insurance and showed her my name on it.  That contradicts your statement from earlier, Abby.  Everyone thinks AI will take over everything, but it won’t.  I called to talk to customer service.  This robot refused to let me.  The robot asked if they could help me.  I said no you can’t.  I answered the robot’s question and then what they replied with didn’t apply to what I’m asking about.  A contradiction.  Moise was in a PDF file (we thought) and nobody could open it.  Close it Moise.  He says I can’t open it.  Close it Moise.  He says I can’t open it.  How can I close it if I can’t open it, he says?  I guess that is a contradiction (and that means he didn’t have it open to begin with oops).  Junior almost dropped a whole can of sugar in the kitchen but caught it on his leg.  Impressive.  Maybe Junior and athletic aren’t total contradictions like I’ve always thought.  Moise said to me Junior isn’t in a good mood (but hadn’t even spoken to him yet).  I said Moise, he is in a good mood, I talked to him.  Moise says I don’t feel it.  Maybe that contradiction you’re feeling is because of you Moise and your effect on his mood.  Moise asked what a dog panting noise sounds like in the heat, so I did a dog panting noise.  It’s not going to contradict my professionalism (I already do that every Friday in this email).  Moise was washing his car in his driveway with his assistant Joshua.  He told me to pull up my car, and I got a free carwash.  I let Junior know about this great free service.  Moise said no Junior must pay for it.  I guess the service is a contradiction of being free for some people and not free for others.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I never contradict myself when I ask you to do it on Fridays all the time.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want a free car service just go to Moise’s driveway and if he likes you enough, you’ll get it for free but if not, you’re going to be handed a bill like Junior will be.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***When Junior shakes his head at me and Moise I sometimes wonder if he takes us for a couple of fools.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Foolishness” (but isn’t every Friday email about that, in some way?).  Have a great weekend!***

April Fools was on Wednesday.  Joshua and Abby always fool me with questions I am unable to answer.  Abby asked me why does Damian (my dog) not wear pants?  Joshua asked me does Damian like potato chips.  I mean Damian is not foolish if a potato chip falls on the floor, then he’s grabbing it and running like he got a pot of gold.  Junior text me if you’re going to Dunkin, can you get this free bag they are giving away?  Free bag?  Like a little plastic bag? Sounds foolish to me.  He said well if it was for Moise you would have stopped for it.  My printer won’t let me save something to PDF.  Moise asked why?  Because it’s failing (like I am at life) and being foolish (like I am daily).  Moise typed progress(s) with 3 s’s.  Actually, I like that (it’s not foolish).  If you’ve made extra progress, you should add an extra s.  Moise was looking at the calendar wondering why the first Monday and Tuesday in April show blank on the calendar.  Because Moise the 1st of April is on a Wednesday?  Moise says we all are adults here (and looks at me). Umm am I too foolish to be considered an adult Moise?  Joshua wanted me to go with him to a kid’s birthday party.  I told him I was not invited so I couldn’t go.  He said why because they won’t like your hair.  Uh yeah, and what about everything else?  Abby told me to push her on her bike and then said “I got it.” Ok, make up your mind, Abby.  Moise was looking at something with me at work, and it says we can choose between basic and advanced.  Uh we’re not totally foolish (only semi) Moise but I think we better choose basic.  Moise’s mechanic friend Doctor Joe was giving Moise a mixture of medicines he should take when he was feeling under the weather last week.  Uhh if you are foolish enough to take that medical advice Moise your sickness will be prolonged (or worsen).  I put my shoe on Junior’s desk to tie it since I didn’t want to bend down.  He was appalled and thought I was foolish about doing that.  Joshua was eating his fries with so much ketchup I couldn’t tell if there was a French fry somewhere under that mound of ketchup.  I consider it foolish not to like ketchup.  Moise was getting soup at the supermarket.  I told him I don’t eat soup.  He says of course you don’t eat soup you drink it.  Sounds like an old (foolish) argument we had years ago about whether you drink or eat soup.  I was looking for my stapler.  Moise had it.  Not only did he have mine (and his) he had a 3rd stapler.  Isn’t it foolish to have 3 staplers (unless you’re going to start a staple fight).  He said well he was out of staples (so I guess instead of getting staples you just go take someone else’s stapler as the solution).  The next day I come in and Moise is asking me for “his” stapler (mine that he stole previously) while he still has 2 staplers on his desk.  I should have gotten Moise a huge box of staples for his birthday.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember you don’t want to be foolish and forget to do it on Friday and have this fool calling you on Monday to do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you’re missing a stapler Moise currently has 3 (and maybe more he’s hiding from me) so just check in with him to claim it from the Moise Lost and Found!

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Sometimes I’m talking to Junior on the phone and Moise will say (with a smile) put him on speaker.  It’s Moise’s turn to communicate (or should I say anger Junior) at that point.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Communication.” Have a great weekend!***

Being able to communicate is a key skill in life.  At the post office they have this “rating” you give the person who helps you.  A smiley face, a straight face, or a sad face.  I asked the guy if I should give him a smiley face.  He says of course.  Or else what you won’t help me next time?  He said yes.  I told Moise that Abby is a talker (the word he likes to use to describe certain people such as me) and he says the same as you.  That’s why Abby and I get along Moise because we communicate well (sometimes she uses big words that I don’t understand though).  Moise says you are good at math and writing (a form of communication).  Uh what about everything else Moise?  He didn’t name a 3rd thing I’m good at.  Junior told Moise why don’t you say good morning?  Don’t you have manners (or know how to communicate)?  Moise says I tried 3 times, but you were on the phone.  Moise says he figured something out.  Junior says I knew you were a smart man.  Moise says no, I’m not smart but communicated how he figured it out.  Junior said what’s that thing you plug into the wall.  He can’t communicate the word. Uh a plug?  He said no.  I knew it wasn’t that simple, or Junior would have communicated it smoothly.  Moise put June 5th instead of March 5th.  I (kindly) pointed it out.  He says it’s a typo.  It’s not a typo Moise; it’s a clicko (you click on a box to pull up the date in Vision).  Is clicko a word or am I using poor communication?  Moise was saving a “CVS” file, he said.  I said Moise it’s “CSV” (not the store).  He said I did say that, but you say what you hear.  Isn’t that how it works around here?  I wanted to wish Joshua a Happy Birthday but realized I forgot to get a card as I was going to see him.  I decided no time to go to the store, so I had a leftover Christmas Card and crossed out “Christmas” and put “Birthday” to communicate Happy Birthday to him. Abby put her hand to her mouth and yelled Ohhhhhh you said (communicated) a bad word.  I don’t even know which word I said!  Abby asked me why Damian (my dog) doesn’t wear pants.  Sometimes I don’t know how to answer her questions that she communicates with me.  She’s too smart.  Junior asked me (as he was telling me something) if I was listening and I responded “No.” But he continued to communicate talking as if I said yes.  But I guess saying no when someone asks if you’re listening isn’t fully true or how would you answer that person?  Abby wanted to drive Joshua to the library because he communicated that he wanted to go to it.  Abby got in the driver’s seat and communicated with me to stand in front of the car.  I’m thinking that I hope she doesn’t run me over.  Thankfully, she didn’t.  However, instead she slammed on the horn and I jumped.  She thought it was funny.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I’m communicating with you every Friday to do it through this nonsensical email.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if Abby instructs you to get in front of a car, she is driving don’t do it because she will honk the hearing out of your ears.

Have a great weekend!
Anthony

***With the time change recently I felt a little off.  I wasn’t sure if it was yesterday, today, or tomorrow but then again, I always feel a little off.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.” Have a great weekend!***

Abraham Lincoln said do not put off to tomorrow what you can do today.  My eye doctor looked at pictures of my eyes and told me I have a nice looking macula.  I had to google that to see what she meant.  Maybe that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all along not showing off my macula enough instead of showing all my flaws.  Moise asked if he should put his birthday on Junior’s calendar.  Yes, Moise so he can remember if it’s yesterday, today or tomorrow (and buy you a gift).  Abby said on the phone to me can you come to our house today?  I told her I’m in school today. She asked What’s your teacher’s name?  I was thinking of a teacher’s name to tell Abby.  Moise was laughing at me, answering all her questions.  I always try to answer Abby’s questions yesterday, today and will do so tomorrow.  Moise says to Abby no more questions.  I asked if they are being good?  Joshua said no bro.  Moise says give me 1 second.  With those 2 Moise it will be a lot more than 1 second (it’ll take yesterday, today and tomorrow for you to get a handle on everything).  Joshua dropped a paper on the floor in the car and said he would tell daddy I did it.  I went to Abby.  You saw who did it Abby.  She said you did it.  I guess I was guilty in the eyes of children yesterday, today and tomorrow.   Abby asked me what my girlfriend’s name is.  I don’t know do I have to make up a name now.  She starts saying Anthony has a girlfriend and yelling around the room, dancing.  I won’t interrupt Abby’s catchy song and skilled dance she’s doing. Moise was pouring my trail mix into a bowl like pouring cereal.  He said he needs more (tomorrow?).  Moise you’re supposed to eat a handful, not a bowlful.  Moise says Junior looks good (today more than yesterday) and Junior says he’s eating healthier.  Don’t flatter him too much Moise next think I know he’ll start flexing.  Moise was asking me if I talk to this person still.  I said not too much they get mad at me too easily and I’m good at getting people mad.  He said that’s what you do best.  Yesterday Junior came in with a light shirt and was cold.  Today he comes in with a heavy sweater and is warm.  Tomorrow?  He will guess wrong again on the office temperature conditions.  I got a spam email.  Moise says they said “Regards” to you, it’s obviously fake.  True this person nor most people have any regard for me.  Moise got an email today that was sent yesterday.  Yesterday’s email references tomorrow (which is now today).  Moise reads it when it’s already tomorrow and says ok tomorrow sounds good.  But tomorrow is the day after today Moise and the tomorrow they were referencing was today.  It will be too late by then.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I need you to do it today (although if you did it yesterday that’s ok and tomorrow is acceptable too).  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want to be confused as to whether it’s yesterday, today or tomorrow just reread those last few sentences several times until your head hurts.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***We interrupt your Friday to bring you the Friday Email.  Today’s Friday Email is all about Interruptions.  Have a great weekend!***

We all interrupt people sometimes and other times they interrupt us.  Junior was saying he’s impressed with how many languages some people speak.  What about me?  He says I don’t know what language you speak with the things you say.  Moise always asks if he can ask a question but asks the question before you can say yes.  I guess before you can interrupt him and say no, he just asks it.  Damian interrupted my sleep and woke me up at 5AM on Saturday to lay on both my pillows. I’m almost on the floor.  Can you leave me like a little room here?  Moise told me that his phone said 20% chance of snow the day we were getting the blizzard.  Not to interrupt your weather app Moise but I think it meant 20 inches instead of %.  I was talking to Moise and he had me on speaker and the kids were around.  That was the end of Moise and my conversation (they interrupted us right away).  Abby started asking me a million questions.  Moise says Abby I’m busy, but Moise why do you interrupt my conversation with Abby?  The kids kept yelling “6, 7.” I’m still not sure what that thing is that kids are saying, but I won’t interrupt their fun.  Moise sees papers stuffed in the shredder we have.  He blames me right away.  Junior interrupted Moise and said it was him.  Why do I get blamed all the time here?  Moise tells me this person will not like me.  Why?  Junior says the problem with Anthony is his mouth.  He’s going to say something stupid at some point.  Moise says you have to come to Joshua’s graduation.  I interrupt him wait from high school?  Where have the years gone?  He says no Pre-K.  Pre-K has graduation?  Moise was asking me something, but I kind of went away from his question and told him something different.  He says you make my blood sugar go up.  Don’t let me interrupt your blood sugar flow Moise.  Moise text me on Saturday. Abby is waiting for you to take her to the store.  Uh, I don’t want to interrupt Abby’s plans she made for me, so I guess I better get going to see her.  We play a game where we pretend to turn into monsters and the way Abby tilts her head and makes her scary hand motions it interrupts my ability to think it’s just a game with how real she makes it.  Joshua was playing catch with me.  He caught the ball and I dropped it.  Looks like Joshua may join the Yankees someday.  Abby interrupted me talking to Moise to tell me to put my seatbelt on.  Moise emphasized that we can only buy 1 item at the store.  Abby says 5.  Maybe we can negotiate at 3 Moise?  Joshua was pushing Abby in the cart a bit and then I took over.  Abby says push me faster.  This is not a race car Abby.  And I don’t need encouragement to drive faster.  She did pick up some strawberry milkshake drink she claimed was healthy (it actually did look like the healthy kind) and then yelled coca cola!  But then claimed soda is bad for you.  Abby spotted a big jar of cheeseballs and clung to that like a pot of gold.  The jar was almost as big as her.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I won’t interrupt you by throwing 1 of the 1,000 cheese balls in that container Abby got at you to get your attention if you do your timesheet on your own.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want a cheeseball just ask Abby because she’s got a lifetime supply of them.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***You can easily be confused as to what day of the week it is sometimes, but Fridays are hard to confuse because you see the Friday Email pop up (wanted or unwanted) on Friday mornings.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Confusion.” Have a great weekend!

We all get confused about stuff sometimes.  It can be serious confusion (like where I put my car keys) or not so serious confusion (like would I rather have pizza or tacos).  I walked into the post office and the guy I know said you didn’t follow the line so go back out in the rain and come back.  Then I wasn’t able to get my charge to go through and he said just follow the instructions.  Don’t be confused, I didn’t come to the post office to feel like I’m in school again.  Moise was doing something and kept saying it’s 2025.  I’m in 2026 Moise.  You can stay in 2025 in your state of confusion.  Moise says something and I give a sarcastic “Obviously.” He says you are trying to play smart.  Who says I’m playing Moise?  Are you confusing me for not being smart?  Moise told Junior whatever he needed help with he’ll do…but don’t be confused Junior that does not include not bothering you.  Someone told me I was chewing my food too loudly.  Don’t be confused with my rudeness when you’re chewing grapes, how do you eat them quietly?  The world-famous mechanic “Doctor Joe” was with Moise and told him it’s too cold to do any work on his car now.  Doctor Joe told me he’s going to get pneumonia if he works outside in these conditions.  I feel like I’m a judge in a courtroom.  I agree with him.  Don’t be confused Moise, if the doctor gets pneumonia, then he becomes the patient.  Give him till April to work on your car.  Moise asked 45 minutes how many hours is it?  I was confused at first, thinking that’s not even 1 hour and figured out it’s 0.75.  Moise said Junior thinks bad things about him.  I said he thinks the same about me, Moise.  Moise says, but he sugarcoats it more with you.  With Moise it’s blunt.  Is bluntness better?  It avoids any confusion.  Moise was asking me something serious and says if you can’t help just say No. Me – No.  See how easy that was?  No confusion.  I found a phone on my desk (not mine) and said whose junky phone is this?   If someone doesn’t want it, I’ll put it on eBay for like $3.  Oh, wow it was Moise’s phone (I didn’t know that when I openly criticized it…or maybe I did).  Can’t confuse how much (or how little) his phone is worth.  Moise was giving me special instructions about something that’s very simple to do.  I was shrugging him off.  He says my goodness.  Am I being difficult?  Don’t be confused with that.  Junior was walking down the hallway slowly.  I am holding the door, but Junior can you speed up a bit or that coffee you’re walking with will wind up on the floor when I leave you out in the hallway and close the door.  Junior asked me about something, and I told him what I did.  He said you have a heart (he sounded confused and surprised).  Maybe he thought I had a black heart.  Moise was predicting “Flurries” for our last storm.  I knew we were in trouble then, so I went to check on my snow shovel.  Abby told me she can teach me Spanish.  Don’t be confused, Abby is a smart kid.  I saw Abby had a book about retirement she was trying to read.  Umm, aren’t you a little bit young for retiring before you even start working Abby?  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember being confused on what day to do it is not good so, please do your timesheet on Friday.  And remember if your life goal is to retire young then contact Abby because she’s reading up on retirement at the age of 3.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony