broodjets

Moise said he taught me about the stock market.  If you prefer to believe that total lie Moise you can, however, I believe the only “Apple” you know is the red one that the doctors tell you to eat.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Preferences.” Have a great weekend!***

We all have different preferences in life.  Some people prefer coffee and others prefer tea (even if I have the worst cold, I’d never drink tea).  I ran into someone with her dogs.  They were friendly with Damian but not with me.  I guess those dogs prefer dogs over people (can’t say I blame them).  I knew Moise didn’t start something, so I asked him purposely how much did you do of this work yet?  He made a hand circling motion saying “0”.  I guess he prefers to use hand signals.  I thought he was making a circular motion with his finger at his head saying I’m crazy.  Junior was saying there’s a 75% chance that Moise would miss his flight.  Moise didn’t respond.  I think he prefers to stay silent when he admits guilt.  Moise typed he is not sorry for something but meant to type he was sorry.  Well, Moise maybe you weren’t sorry and that’s why your fingers preferred to type that instead.  I called Moise “Junior” and then realized that was a bit insulting.  Abby called Moise at work.  Abby wanted to know how it was going.  Moise says good working so I can buy you stuff.  I’m thinking Abby will say oh like a box of cookies great.  But instead, Abby says a new dress?  I guess Abby prefers a dress over something less expensive, like a box of cookies.  You had better get the shoes and bag to go with that dress Moise.  I called Moise but of course wound up talking to Abby.  After a 5-minute conversation, Moise says, are you done talking to Abby?  I prefer to talk to Abby, but the real question Moise is whether Abby is done with me.  Moise was calling a Savin employee.  They wouldn’t answer.  Maybe their preference is talking to me, and they knew you were calling?  Joshua and I were watching Garfield.  Abby said Garfield eats pasta with sausage, potatoes, and ketchup.  Garfield’s preference for food is a strange mixture, Abby.  Moise said Junior you have no patience.  With you Moise he has no patience he prefers someone who doesn’t drive him crazy.  Abby had her hair up, and it looked good.  I said do mine like that but then I realized I don’t have quite enough hair for that hairstyle.  Joshua showed me his and Abby’s new beds.  Abby said they are big kids now having their new beds.  She asked me if I’m a big kid.  Abby…I think everyone knows the answer to that question.  Yes, I’m a big kid.  If you prefer, you can ask Junior to confirm this.  Moise was on the phone, and I tell him ok I have to go.  I go about my business with my phone and then realize 5 minutes later I never hung up.  I said you’re still there.  He said yes, I want to see if you say anything bad about me.  Oh well, I prefer to say the bad stuff to your face.  Abby dressed up as a doctor at the library and was giving me a checkup.  She gave me her business card.  I was trying to read a book in the library, and she told me that was mean.  Since when did the library become about playing with toys instead of reading?  I must be getting old.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember you can do your timesheet in the library if you want on a computer while you’re doing work, but Abby may consider that mean too.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you visit your local library make sure you play with the toys and don’t get distracted by the books.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Over the years there have been some strange Friday Email titles but maybe none stranger (yet oddly intriguing) than today’s title “Monster Heaven.” Have a great weekend!***

Sometimes we think we know everything, but kids teach us that we don’t.  Every time I see Joshua and Abby, I feel like I learn more from them than them from me.  Recently we had a discussion about heaven, and it led to me learning about “Monster Heaven.”  I’ll get to that at the end of this, but I was thinking recently how a lot of times life feels like a multiple-choice test.  In almost every situation you have 4 options on what you could say.  The first Option (A) is the one you should absolutely not say but normally that’s the option that I feel has the most truth in it so I just say it.  Option (B) is a slightly watered down version of Option (A) but still not exactly the right way to say something, but I’ll say it to slightly sugarcoat what I said after I realize Option (A) was really off the walls (even though it was still my most honest option on what I think).  Option (C) is just an in-between option that many people will use (almost like being neutral on something), but I never use it because I don’t feel it.  Option (D) is the right option (politically correct) thing to say, and I never use that option.  I hope that my way of expressing myself incorrectly sometimes is not held against me in Monster (or any other) Heaven.  Moise was trying to find a vendor in the system and typed the name 10 times, and it wouldn’t come up.  He said oh I forgot to leave a space between the 2 words.  Spaces make all the difference Moise. Moise was saying anyone who does this is stupid.  But Moise you do it.  He said exactly.  Well, he made his point and used himself as an example.  When I was trying to explain something to Junior he said I was bumbling and fumbling my words.  Moise was not happy at something I said and told me no don’t be serious.  Don’t be serious?  That’s easy for me Moise.  Junior said he was going to go rehearse his singing.  From what my ears hear (and the monsters in Monster Heaven probably hear) it needs a lot of work Junior.  Trust me.  Like a lot.  Moise said he had a class with his sister, she got an A and he got a C.  I said why didn’t you sit next to her so you could cheat off her?  He said the teacher knew they were siblings, so she made them sit across the room from each other (knowing his sister she’d say Moise do your own work).  Joshua and Abby were looking at my phone and saw a picture of my first Boston Terrier Nitro on my couch.  Abby wanted to know why she didn’t meet him.  I struggled with how to explain this to her for several seconds and then (as Abby always does) she saved her best comment by asking me if he’s in doggie heaven?  I said yes and then Joshua wanted to know if the couch that Nitro was on is also in Doggie Heaven.  I mean I’m sure they have couches there (probably much more comfortable than the ones we have here).  And Joshua said he wanted to see Monster Heaven.  I spent the time to google this for Joshua and came up with an interesting photo with all monsters together in heaven.  He seemed like he loved it, but I advised him their monsters Joshua stay away.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, you don’t want the monsters in Monster Heaven to come after you, so please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you never knew Monster Heaven was a thing well that makes 2 of us.

Have a great weekend.

Anthony

***Last week one day Moise said time for breakfast (it was 4PM).  Junior said Moise has no sense of timing.  Maybe Moise just wanted to save his breakfast for dinner.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Saving Vs. Spending.” Have a great weekend!***

There’s always a delicate balance in how much money you should save vs. how much money should you spend.  This guy comes to my home and I open the door.  He immediately begins babbling and right away you know it’s a sales thing.  I stare at him and am about to cut him off, but he keeps going on and on like this is a speed talk contest and he knows why because the second he stops talking to breathe I’m going to tell him I’m not interested.  But finally, I cut him off and said I’m busy right now.  He says can I come back later?  I said No.  He should have saved his breath.  Junior told Moise to bring his big, beautiful brain over for some assistance.  Moise said Junior must want money from me to say this.  Save the compliments, Junior.  Moise was questioning something he did.  I said it’s ok you are allowed to make a mistake (I spend so much time criticizing I might as well be supportive)…but then I said you make plenty of them.  I should have stopped before the last part.  Junior was calling across the room if I’m here.  I say yes.  He says are you here?  If I am not here but I’m answering there’s some ghost thing going on.  I typed “disgust” instead of “discuss” to someone (luckily, I saved myself by not clicking send before correcting it or they would think I’m disgusted by them). Moise said he had to get somewhere by 5.  I looked at the clock.  It’s 5:30 and you haven’t left yet, Moise.  He says ok hopefully for 6 (save yourself from getting a speeding ticket).  Junior was walking back to our office ahead of me and says I’m not holding the door for you and lets it go to close before I get there.  At least he saved me the thought he might hold it by warning me he wouldn’t.  Junior was saying to Moise I want to pick your brain.  I asked how come you never ask to pick my brain Junior?  He laughed and said no comment (he saved us all the comment we knew he wanted to say).  I told Joshua it was my mom’s birthday, and he started singing happy birthday to Anthony’s mom (very catchy but not quite as spectacular as his “Michael Jackson” moves he shows me).  Abby and Joshua questioned my iced mocha. They were making fun of it and said it was too dark to drink. They tasted it and said it was disgusting. I saved myself $7 for that iced mocha, and you 2 are criticizing it.  Junior had a picture of an animal in his yard and asked our mail guy Hugo, is this a deer or a coyote?  I was looking at it too and Hugo says this is what you guys do at work.  I need to come work here.  He said he thought this was an engineering company.  Hugo got jokes.  Well Hugo, we do everything here all kinds of engineering, as well as help figure out what animal is what (like Abby does when she shows me her animal book).  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I always save the reminder to be sent out on Friday on the day you’re supposed to do your timesheet.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you’re good at telling the difference between coyotes and deer, please contact Junior to assist him.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***In case you didn’t know (by my several reminders this week) today we upgrade from Vision to Vantage (link, info etc. will be sent later today in a separate email).  Today’s Friday Email is appropriately titled “Advantages.”  Have a great weekend!***

In life, we always look for an advantage.  In baseball if a hitter can steal a sign from a pitcher, he has an advantage to know what pitch is coming next.  Speaking of baseball, I found this baseball video game I grew up playing.  And it’s playable on a current video game system so I downloaded it and it amazed me how I remembered the lineup of all the players (this is a made-up game so real baseball players were not used) yet I can’t remember what I ate for lunch yesterday (the advantage of prioritizing video games as a kid).  I was showing Moise and Junior something.  Junior says looks good.  Moise says I have a question.  I said I knew this was going too smoothly.  Junior says I know.  Moise says I have no further questions.  The advantage of this department being like a courtroom.  I couldn’t see my computer screens.  Why?  The plug wasn’t in.  Moise was talking and telling me and Junior to listen.  He says we do not give him enough credit.  We underestimate him.  I said Nah, I think Junior gives you no credit.  He said that is underestimating.  No, that’s worse underestimating would be giving you only partial credit Moise.  Junior said he went to a World Cup soccer game, and it was $600 for a parking space (if you think Junior paid $600 for a parking space, you don’t know him very well by now).  Junior took an Uber (cost: much less than $600).  Junior said the players looked small (the disadvantage to buying the cheapest tickets possible).  Moise says Junior knows nothing about soccer, let me go over and educate him.  This should be good let me go and watch this (and report on it in the Friday Email). Moise gives Junior his breakdown of the World Cup, and Junior says Moise is one of those people who is fooling himself.  Well, at least he is fooling someone Junior.  I guess Junior didn’t like his “expert” analysis.  Moise was asking what # I saw in this report.  I said 212760.  He says 21 dollars?  How can it be $21.2760?  It was $2,127.60.  The advantages of having common sense when it comes to math.  It’s 100 degrees out.  Joshua and Abby have a fun little pool to play in.  Abby splashed me and Moise.  We both got annoyed and then realized it’s 100 degrees splash all the water you want too on us.  The kids saw a bee in the pool and wanted to empty the entire pool of water to get the bee out and then refill the entire pool again (there goes Moise’s water bill).  Moise wanted to get Abby and Joshua to leave the pool.  I told them I have to go home now anyway.  Abby says 5 more minutes.  I said okay, I’ll stay 5 more minutes and then you guys can get out of the pool and I’ll go home.  Abby says 5 more minutes for you to stay but 100 more minutes for her to stay in the pool.  I guess Abby loves the pool more than she loves me.  It was 100 degrees.  The advantages of being in a nice cool pool can’t be beaten.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember it’s to your advantage to use the vantage link below.  Please do your timesheet on time today (when I give you the okay for Vantage) and remember if you need a way to cool off just visit Joshua and Abby’s pool this summer.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***The Intention of the Friday Email is to get you to do your timesheet, but it just takes a long off the road type of approach to get back to that point (eventually) at the end.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Intentions.” Have a great weekend!***

Most people have good intentions when they do something but other times they have bad intentions.  Ever notice how uncomfortable the seats are at a mall’s food court?  The intention is to make you as uncomfortable as possible, so you get up and go shopping at the stores.  I went to a Verizon store.  The Verizon guy at the store says we must call this number to talk to customer service.  He wanted to talk for me.  He says I’m going to pretend to be you.  I told him trust me you don’t want to be me.  Joshua was eating a donut after his bath and came out with donut powder on his face. When your intention to take a bath collides with your desire to eat a donut, you do both.Moise was complaining that I didn’t do something.  Then I do it and he says why didn’t you do it before noon?  It’s 11:41AM Moise.  That’s before noon.  My intention of completing it before noon was successful.  Moise told me about someone he knows that hates him.  I said hate is a strong word Moise.  I don’t like celery.  But do I hate it?  Not really.  Did I just compare Moise to celery?  That was not my intention.  Moise’s friend Doctor Joe called and wanted to talk to me (His intention was to tell me another long story).  My only way to get Doctor Joe off the phone was to tell him I had 2 kids (Joshua and Abby) jumping on me.  A lady at the park called me over to ask me for directions.  That was her intention but once she saw I had Damian with me, she said, “Oh you have a Boston Terrier” and suddenly the directions she was looking for was an afterthought.  Abby told me her fork wasn’t working when she was trying to eat.  I told her to get a hammer, and I’ll fix it for her (at least that would be my intention, but the hammer would probably destroy the fork first).  Moise said give me a second.  I said ok 1 second is over so I just did.  He got annoyed (maybe he should have asked for a minute, not a second since that was his intention).  Moise’s intention was to type the word cloud, but he forgot the C and put “loud.” Maybe he’s listening to my Disturbed music in my car lately.  My intention was to go see Joshua and Abby on Saturday.  Moise told me Abby will call me tomorrow to let me know when to come over.  I never waited for a girl to call me in my life (this was a first) and trust me, no girl ever waited for me to call her either.  Junior told me about his fancy Saturday plans.  Sounded busy and his intention was to try to show me up?  But I told him my plans were “Go to see Moise.” I’m sure my plans were more fun than his.  The kids grabbed my phone, and their intention was to have fun with it.  But little did they realize it wasn’t mine (I hid it) and they were playing with Moise’s dad’s phone. When they realized it, they quickly put it back, looked worried, put their hands over their mouths and said “That’s papa’s phone!”  And then they tried to point their finger at me like I did it.  Look, your intention may be to cover yourself but don’t blame me; I don’t want to mess with papa either (I’ve had a few speeches from him over the years as it is).  Now I know who the kids are afraid of and it isn’t me.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember your intention to do it is good but actually doing it is better.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you don’t do it, I’m calling Papa after you.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Mike Tyson was a great fighter.  Evander Holyfield was too.  And don’t forget George Foreman (although I think he was known more for his grill).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Fights.” Have a great weekend!***

Everyone fights at times.  Brother and Sister.  Husband and Wife.  Stranger and Stranger.  A lot of things people do (and don’t do) when I’m driving make me want to fight with them but the inability to understand you can make a right on a red light (unless otherwise noted and even then, I believe it’s a “suggestion” not a law you can’t) makes me honk them relentlessly until they do it (it works sometimes too).    Moise was looking for something he said he had already done.  He said he’s a man of his word.  No arguing you’re a man of your word.  We all try to be when we say things, but we forget as we fight remembering everything everyone wants.  I asked Moise what time something happened.  He says 6.  It was 6:48. That’s still 6 to Moise.  Don’t fight with him, I know someone else who says 6 is 6:00-6:59. Moise says where is this file?  In the folder you asked me to put it yesterday, Moise.  You didn’t even look to see if it’s there, and you’re fighting with me already?  It was fun though.  My sister told me something, but I did the opposite.  She said you never listen when people talk to you.  Moise said exactly.  Are you adding to a family fight Moise?  My birthday cake said, “Happy 10th Birthday Anthony.” At first, I was going to fight with someone thinking they wrote 100.  And then I realized it was only 10.  Somehow, I felt less offended by 10.  Junior says well you act that way anyway.  You used to say 5 Junior, so obviously I’ve doubled my age and maturity over the years.  Moise said the bakery probably saw how you act, that’s why they put 10.  Moise was saying he got this text today (Monday).  It’s from Friday Moise.  I’ve been fighting with you to get a better phone.  He says well, it says today.  But today was Friday so you’re now 3 days late with this text.  Joshua and Abby were quiet, and Moise says he hears no noise that means there could be a problem.  It can’t be that bad Moise like they’re not fighting, or we’d hear it.  I asked a question and it was for Junior.  Moise started to answer, but I cut him off immediately (not to start a fight but to get to the point).  I just needed an answer, not a whole explanation.  Moise said you think Junior would give a better answer?  No Moise but it would be more succinct.  He said did you say my answer stinks?  No, I said succinct.  Moise said Junior will kill him over this when he tells him.  I said nah he won’t.  He might fight a little with you playfully, maybe (want to) strangle you but killing?  No.  Junior is not a violent person.  Moise said 1 + 1 X 0 = 0.  I said without parentheses.  That doesn’t seem right.  I must google to remember all the rules from school.  He says you got a better answer.  Let’s not start a fight over it but let’s try to remember how to do math like in school.  FYI, the answer is 1 Moise.  Now I remember those math rules. Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I’m not going to fight you about doing it, but I will complain and whine and make you dislike me more than you do now if you don’t do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you forgot 50% of what you learned in school then you have forgotten less than Moise and I have.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***There is no contest as to who the best NBA team is. That would be the New York Knicks who are world champions.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Contests.” Have a great weekend!***

When you’re competitive about something, you may join a contest such as Joey Chestnut does every 4th of July for a hot dog eating contest (you’ll never want to eat a hot dog again if you watch it).  Someone called me at work and said I have a dumb question.  I explained to them what my teacher told me there are no dumb questions (but if there was a contest for dumb questions I would win).  I was handing my own birthday card around the office for people to sign it if they had missed it.  I saw some people I liked didn’t sign it (It was a personal contest to get everyone I liked to sign it).  Junior sees me and Moise walking together to the back.  He says why do you have to be together?  What’s this you’re having a contest to break us up Junior?  If there was a contest for having the biggest dryer machine in your house, Moise would win (I never saw so many clothes in one dryer at one time).  He kept digging clothes out of there for what felt like an eternity.  Abby wanted to water the plants in her yard but was afraid to overwater it.  This is not a contest to drown a plant, Abby.  She missed the plant and watered the table they were on (close enough).  Joshua said he will buy me a Lamborghini.  There is no contest at who my favorite person is Joshua.  Abby sang happy birthday to me and started the “Are you 1, are you 2, are you 3.” You may have to keep going for a while, Abby.  Abby asked if I’m 26.  Yes, let’s go with that and not contest that answer.  Moise asked me how to say something politely.  You ask ME how to be polite?  In a polite contest, I don’t think I would win.  Moise says I have to ask you something personal.  Ok?  He starts telling me about his situation.  I already know all this Moise.  You tell me everything.  This is not a contest, but I know more about you than I know about myself.  Moise was calling me on my cell phone while we were both at work in the same building.  He asked where I was.  I’m in the kitchen.  He says no you’re not I am.  I don’t see you. I’m walking in Moise. Why are we still on the phone with each other when we’re in the same room?  A contest to see if anyone notices?  Abby wanted to know if my mom paid for my new phone.  I said yeah, you tell her that.  Abby gave me a high 5 and Joshua gave me a burp (maybe he wants to join a burping contest)?  I sneezed and then Joshua and Abby fake sneezed to mock me.  We have a sneezing contest.  Abby gave me a container to take home and said I can have it for $100.  For an empty container?  There is no contest with Abby’s Inflation Rates.  Junior was saying how someone he knows is an instigator and then looks at me and says just like you.  Moi?  I guess if I was in a contest for biggest instigator at Savin, I may win it (maybe I should rename the Friday Email “Weekly Instigation.”).  I was naming reasons I like coming to Savin.  The people was one of them.  Junior says Moise, of course.  He said there was no need to state the obvious.  I started naming every employee in the building (except Junior).  He gave me a not so nice look.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember it’s not a popularity contest that you need to win by doing it.  It’s for your own personal satisfaction.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember you’re one of the reasons I like coming to Savin if your name isn’t Junior.

Have a great weekend.

Anthony

***I always like a good comeback story like in the Rocky movies (I can hear the rocky theme song playing in my head now).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Comebacks.” Have a great weekend!***  

We all have struggles sometimes and need to make a triumphant comeback.  Why are bowling floors so slippery? Do they want you to fall and not to come back?  I had 2 iced coffees in the kitchen, and someone said you have 2.  My comeback response was that it’s Monday at Savin.  You’re lucky, I do not have 3. I’m off on PTO and get an email with a problem.  I instantly forward it to Moise.  He calls me and goes on a rant you sit at home sending me problems.  Correction I sent them from my phone when I wasn’t home.  I came back to a dead bug on my desk.  If you are going to kill a bug for me Moise you could at least remove the body.  I got a voicemail in Spanish.  Unfortunately, due to my high school Spanish teacher who spoke in English 90% of the time I am deficient in Spanish.  As I walk in Junior said to me, I’m proud and I’m thinking I’ve been waiting years to hear this from him.  But then he goes on to tell me that he is proud of himself for something (for what I couldn’t tell you I tuned him out once I realized it wasn’t of me).  I informed Junior that Moise had arrived at work (a triumphant daily comeback).  He said what am I supposed to be happy about that?  Correction Junior, you should be ecstatic like I am. Junior said he wanted to make the coffee. He said he knows the right amount to put in and that I make it horribly.  I was walking towards the kitchen (not threatening to make it before he got there), but he came back running in front of me to make the coffee himself.  He was pretty serious.  I called Junior’s extension across the room and heard a sigh (and some not so nice comment) but his comeback answering the phone was “This is Junior speaking.” I said I heard you, Junior.   Moise said he has a problem.  We got a credit on an account. I said that is not a problem, it’s a good thing.  He puts his head down and shakes his head.  He says can you listen to the problem first?  Nah, I’d rather have a comeback comment to frustrate you instead.  Joshua takes my nose in his hand and puts it on his face.  Trust me, you don’t want this nose. Abby wants money to let people walk upstairs in her home. She’s like a human toll booth with her arms outstretched, not letting anyone pass by. I showed Abby my pockets are empty.  I don’t have any change. She says where is your wallet (I guess she wants bills not coins). One thing I miss about being a kid is that as you lose your baby teeth the tooth fairy comes and delivers some big $.  Joshua showed me his baby teeth that came out, and Abby had to come back and tell me how Joshua got money from the tooth fairy.  Now Abby is jealous and wants to lose teeth so the tooth fairy will give her money (She wants the tooth fairy to make a comeback to her home).  Well knowing Moise I don’t think you’re getting $20 bills Abby so maybe hold on to those teeth as long as you can.  Joshua starts examining my teeth as if he is offering to pull some out, so I get money from the tooth fairy. Hey, I need these.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, you can always make a comeback from doing it too late last week.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you need some extra cash just lose a few teeth and the tooth fairy will supply the funds!

Have a great weekend!

Anthony