broodjets

***Your job this long holiday weekend is to enjoy it but before you do your job is to do your timesheet (the other stuff you’re being asked to do by your supervisor is secondary to your timesheet).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Jobs.” Have a great weekend!***

We all have jobs like we work for Savin.  But in life we all have multiple jobs like maybe being a parent.  Or your job could be to criticize your sports team on sports talk radio (since you can’t play yourself, you may as well criticize the professionals making all the money).  Moise was calling Junior to ask him something but didn’t realize Junior had already answered his question in a text.  It’s your job to check your texts before calling him Moise. I gave Moise the “remains” of my bag of trail mix.  He asked if I only gave it to him because I’m buying a new one.  No, I took out all the M&Ms so I’m done with the bag.  You can eat the rest.  He says you are a kid.  It’s part of my job.  Moise wanted a new bag. I told him I will send you the GPS directions to the store Moise (that’s GPS’s job after all).  I reminded Junior of something we had to do, but he said don’t think you reminded me I was already doing it.  It’s my job to remind you Junior in an annoying way whether you remembered or forgot to do something.  Junior was saying how he got a great salad at this lunch place and wants everyone to get it, especially Moise because he needs to eat some salad.  Is it Junior’s job to critique Moise’s eating habits?  Moise says it’s 3:42 (because we needed to finish stuff before the day ended) and I said congratulations you know how to tell time.  It’s my job to make an unsolicited remark to stuff, Moise says.  Moise gave me something.  I said you trust me with this. He says if I don’t trust you by now…and I cut him off before he could continue with well, I don’t trust myself to be honest Moise.  Joshua and Abby had a contest to see who could give me a high 5 slap of the hand harder.  It was a tie and painful after the first few high fives.  Junior was asking something of Moise.  But kind of lecturing simultaneously while asking him.  Moise says skip the lecture.  That’s his job, Moise.  Moise asked me how to word this email.  I say basically just say you’ll be out on these dates, and that’s it.  He says no that’s too fast.  Ok let me say it slower Moise.  I…will…be…out. He says stop that come on, it’s taking too long now for you to say it.  It’s my job to give you a difficult time.  Junior was telling me about this deal he got.  He will do a lot of work and put time into finding a good deal (now whether it will work after that person does the job for cheap that’s another story for another Friday Email).  Moise asked Abby how many daughters he has.  Joshua said 5.  Perish the thought.  The job of being a parent is difficult enough.  Abby asked me to get dirt off her finger. I mean that’s what I’m here for.  It’s my job. Abby wanted me to play hide and go seek with her, so I covered my eyes (while peeking of course) and told her to hide.  She told me I’m cheating.  I thought the job of the seeker was to find the hider Abby not play by the rules.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember it’s my job to remind you every Friday.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you play hide and seek with Abby and try peeking, she will call you out on the spot for doing so.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***After having fun with Joshua and Abby for a few hours, I feel the need to go home and recharge my battery (They make me tired).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Recharge Your Battery.” Have a great weekend!

Life can make you tired sometimes.  And you need to take a break to recharge your battery.  I can’t remember the last time I changed my car battery yet somehow when I had my mechanic test it recently, he said the battery was still properly charged.  Moise asked me how to say I am sorry.  Uh I…am…sorry?  Or you could do it the way I do it sometimes which is not say you’re sorry and simply hope the person forgets what you did to make them mad eventually after they recharge their battery.  Junior told me that he read the 3rd biggest day of the year is Mother’s Day (this Sunday) next to Christmas and Thanksgiving. I was surprised by that and said I thought it was Halloween.  He looked at me in disbelief and said Halloween!?  I’d probably put it ahead of Thanksgiving and Christmas Junior.  Moise was saying gas prices are high lately.  I said eh, it’s ok.  He says you want to fill up my tank for me.  Recharge your tank, not your battery?  I got quiet suddenly.  Moise told me his dad wanted to pay someone to mow his lawn.  Moise said it’s a ripoff how much they want to charge.  He said he would do it for his dad himself.  Nice.  He said he can do it for half that price that other person wanted to charge.  I should try that line on my mom (her response would have to be censored in the Friday Email).  Junior was reading an article.  He said some people exaggerate.  Then he looks at me in an accusatory way.  What Junior is that like after you exaggerate you need time to recharge your battery (for next week’s Friday Email) and “overexaggerate?”  Junior was afraid to see Damian, who he thought would bite him.  Recharge your battery and memory Junior that Rollins was the one you should fear, not Damian.  Junior was saying how he thought I went to Moise’s house the other week to wash my own car.  No Junior what kind of service is that?  Would you pull up to a car wash and get out of the car and start cleaning it yourself?  Joshua showed me his broken bike, so I said ok well you want a new bike.  Maybe he just needs his bike battery to be charged.  He said he wants a Lamborghini bike (that sounds cool).  Joshua dropped the concept of that and said he just wanted a Lamborghini car and of course Abby had to ask for one too (well Moise get on that immediately).  I asked Junior did you mow your lawn yesterday?  He says oh man I always have a story about stuff.  I told him “we” (aka this will be in the Friday Email) are all ears Junior.  He said I got a battery lawnmower but the battery lasts 30 minutes then I sit there an hour while it charges.  3 hours later I didn’t even get half the lawn cut.  I think Junior’s grass grows faster than his battery charges.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember to recharge your timesheet every Friday with the hours for the week.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if it takes you a full day to mow your lawn because you have to stop every 10 minutes due to an inefficient battery then you must have got the same lawnmower as Junior.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Junior was leaning against a car in the parking lot recently and then realized that wasn’t courteous, so he backed off the car but then said, “Oh it’s just Moise’s car” and went back to leaning against it.  Today’s Friday email is all about “Courtesy.” Have a great weekend!***

We all try to have common courtesy towards other people (unless we don’t like them).  This car in front of me was driving so slow it was annoying me.  It said, “Courteous Vehicle.”  If you were indeed a courteous vehicle, you’d drive faster before I speed around, you.  Moise was out and I put “Miss Moise” on my things to do list.  Junior didn’t have a courteous response to that.  I notice most people at Savin are courteous to me and say good morning.  But I always say what’s up instead.  My response isn’t so courteous I feel.  Abby was on the phone with me and told me she was going to press the red button.  That’s to hang up on me Abby (not very courteous) but I have been hung up on many times before by people.  I took Damian to the emergency room.  He got into a bag of cocoa powder and its toxic for dogs.  He’s there playing with the nurses.  Damian have some common courtesy, this is an emergency room not a playground.  The nurse tells me his heartbeat is 30 times in 15 seconds.  You must multiply it by 4, she says (to get the beats per minute 15 seconds x 4 = 60 seconds/1 minute).  Simple enough.  I said so basically 2 heart beats per second is ok.  She said no.  I said well 30 heart beats in 15 seconds would be 2 per second.  She said no.  Ok, I will be courteous and give up on the math lesson.  Moise was trying to put the key labeled B in the lock that says A and then wondered why it wouldn’t open.  Moise said well A and B are neighbors in the alphabet.  Moise was asking me for a template.  I said it’s my folder.  He says the Anthony folder.  My response was not so courteous to him “No, my uncle’s folder”.  Moise comes back from being off for a couple of days.  He was courteous and asked how Junior was.  I told him Junior was in a great mood because you weren’t here.  Moise is going to ask Junior a question.  I said Moise he’s going to get mad at that question.  Moise says that’s why I come here.  I took Damian to Moise’s house and Moise said if Damian does his business in his lawn, the daddy has to pick it up.  That’s only common courtesy Moise.  Moise was having me look at something he’s doing for work on his computer.  I told him this is annoying Moise.  He says you just keep talking.  My (not so courteous) plan was to annoy him enough, so he told me to go back to my desk.  It worked!  Junior called up a professional to put up a fence for him.  But he decided this is not a good deal.  Junior went the nonprofessional route and picked up a “friend” on a Saturday to help him (“friend” by Junior’s definition is someone who will help him for free and maybe Junior bought him a slice of pizza but unlikely).  Junior was all proud of it.  The fence looks good on a sunny day.  What about during a storm Junior?  He said he’s concerned about the deer knocking it over. If it’s as “sturdy” as I suspect I think a mosquito may knock it over Junior.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember common courtesy is to do it on Friday.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you see a mosquito flying towards Junior’s fence, the odds in Vegas are 50/50 (at best) for Junior’s fence to survive that collision.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***I told Moise recently that his mechanic friend Doctor Joe is great.  Moise says he’s crazy.  Both are 100% true Moise and don’t need to contradict each other (you can be both great and crazy).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Contradictions.” Have a great weekend!***

We all come across plenty of contradictions.  Sometimes we even contradict ourselves.  Someone told me that I’ve become more like Moise.  I said that’s a good thing and they said no you’ve only taken on his bad characteristics.  Wait there’s bad things about Moise?  I never knew that.  Sounds like a contradiction to me.  Moise told me to slow down when I was driving.  I asked why?  He said I don’t want you to get a ticket and put in the Friday Email that Moise made you get a ticket.  How would I blame you, Moise?  You told me to slow down, but I told me to speed up so I can’t blame you or that would be a total contradiction.  Abby told me she will invite me to a party she’s having with all her friends.  This looked like news to Moise and contradicting what he was planning.  Joshua and Abby’s neighbor came over to play with bikes.  There’s a total of 4 bikes available but only 3 kids to use them and somehow, they’re fighting over it.  That math contradicts my logic of 4 not being enough for 3.  Abby told me my car is her car.  I pulled out my insurance and showed her my name on it.  That contradicts your statement from earlier, Abby.  Everyone thinks AI will take over everything, but it won’t.  I called to talk to customer service.  This robot refused to let me.  The robot asked if they could help me.  I said no you can’t.  I answered the robot’s question and then what they replied with didn’t apply to what I’m asking about.  A contradiction.  Moise was in a PDF file (we thought) and nobody could open it.  Close it Moise.  He says I can’t open it.  Close it Moise.  He says I can’t open it.  How can I close it if I can’t open it, he says?  I guess that is a contradiction (and that means he didn’t have it open to begin with oops).  Junior almost dropped a whole can of sugar in the kitchen but caught it on his leg.  Impressive.  Maybe Junior and athletic aren’t total contradictions like I’ve always thought.  Moise said to me Junior isn’t in a good mood (but hadn’t even spoken to him yet).  I said Moise, he is in a good mood, I talked to him.  Moise says I don’t feel it.  Maybe that contradiction you’re feeling is because of you Moise and your effect on his mood.  Moise asked what a dog panting noise sounds like in the heat, so I did a dog panting noise.  It’s not going to contradict my professionalism (I already do that every Friday in this email).  Moise was washing his car in his driveway with his assistant Joshua.  He told me to pull up my car, and I got a free carwash.  I let Junior know about this great free service.  Moise said no Junior must pay for it.  I guess the service is a contradiction of being free for some people and not free for others.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I never contradict myself when I ask you to do it on Fridays all the time.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want a free car service just go to Moise’s driveway and if he likes you enough, you’ll get it for free but if not, you’re going to be handed a bill like Junior will be.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***When Junior shakes his head at me and Moise I sometimes wonder if he takes us for a couple of fools.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Foolishness” (but isn’t every Friday email about that, in some way?).  Have a great weekend!***

April Fools was on Wednesday.  Joshua and Abby always fool me with questions I am unable to answer.  Abby asked me why does Damian (my dog) not wear pants?  Joshua asked me does Damian like potato chips.  I mean Damian is not foolish if a potato chip falls on the floor, then he’s grabbing it and running like he got a pot of gold.  Junior text me if you’re going to Dunkin, can you get this free bag they are giving away?  Free bag?  Like a little plastic bag? Sounds foolish to me.  He said well if it was for Moise you would have stopped for it.  My printer won’t let me save something to PDF.  Moise asked why?  Because it’s failing (like I am at life) and being foolish (like I am daily).  Moise typed progress(s) with 3 s’s.  Actually, I like that (it’s not foolish).  If you’ve made extra progress, you should add an extra s.  Moise was looking at the calendar wondering why the first Monday and Tuesday in April show blank on the calendar.  Because Moise the 1st of April is on a Wednesday?  Moise says we all are adults here (and looks at me). Umm am I too foolish to be considered an adult Moise?  Joshua wanted me to go with him to a kid’s birthday party.  I told him I was not invited so I couldn’t go.  He said why because they won’t like your hair.  Uh yeah, and what about everything else?  Abby told me to push her on her bike and then said “I got it.” Ok, make up your mind, Abby.  Moise was looking at something with me at work, and it says we can choose between basic and advanced.  Uh we’re not totally foolish (only semi) Moise but I think we better choose basic.  Moise’s mechanic friend Doctor Joe was giving Moise a mixture of medicines he should take when he was feeling under the weather last week.  Uhh if you are foolish enough to take that medical advice Moise your sickness will be prolonged (or worsen).  I put my shoe on Junior’s desk to tie it since I didn’t want to bend down.  He was appalled and thought I was foolish about doing that.  Joshua was eating his fries with so much ketchup I couldn’t tell if there was a French fry somewhere under that mound of ketchup.  I consider it foolish not to like ketchup.  Moise was getting soup at the supermarket.  I told him I don’t eat soup.  He says of course you don’t eat soup you drink it.  Sounds like an old (foolish) argument we had years ago about whether you drink or eat soup.  I was looking for my stapler.  Moise had it.  Not only did he have mine (and his) he had a 3rd stapler.  Isn’t it foolish to have 3 staplers (unless you’re going to start a staple fight).  He said well he was out of staples (so I guess instead of getting staples you just go take someone else’s stapler as the solution).  The next day I come in and Moise is asking me for “his” stapler (mine that he stole previously) while he still has 2 staplers on his desk.  I should have gotten Moise a huge box of staples for his birthday.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember you don’t want to be foolish and forget to do it on Friday and have this fool calling you on Monday to do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you’re missing a stapler Moise currently has 3 (and maybe more he’s hiding from me) so just check in with him to claim it from the Moise Lost and Found!

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Sometimes I’m talking to Junior on the phone and Moise will say (with a smile) put him on speaker.  It’s Moise’s turn to communicate (or should I say anger Junior) at that point.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Communication.” Have a great weekend!***

Being able to communicate is a key skill in life.  At the post office they have this “rating” you give the person who helps you.  A smiley face, a straight face, or a sad face.  I asked the guy if I should give him a smiley face.  He says of course.  Or else what you won’t help me next time?  He said yes.  I told Moise that Abby is a talker (the word he likes to use to describe certain people such as me) and he says the same as you.  That’s why Abby and I get along Moise because we communicate well (sometimes she uses big words that I don’t understand though).  Moise says you are good at math and writing (a form of communication).  Uh what about everything else Moise?  He didn’t name a 3rd thing I’m good at.  Junior told Moise why don’t you say good morning?  Don’t you have manners (or know how to communicate)?  Moise says I tried 3 times, but you were on the phone.  Moise says he figured something out.  Junior says I knew you were a smart man.  Moise says no, I’m not smart but communicated how he figured it out.  Junior said what’s that thing you plug into the wall.  He can’t communicate the word. Uh a plug?  He said no.  I knew it wasn’t that simple, or Junior would have communicated it smoothly.  Moise put June 5th instead of March 5th.  I (kindly) pointed it out.  He says it’s a typo.  It’s not a typo Moise; it’s a clicko (you click on a box to pull up the date in Vision).  Is clicko a word or am I using poor communication?  Moise was saving a “CVS” file, he said.  I said Moise it’s “CSV” (not the store).  He said I did say that, but you say what you hear.  Isn’t that how it works around here?  I wanted to wish Joshua a Happy Birthday but realized I forgot to get a card as I was going to see him.  I decided no time to go to the store, so I had a leftover Christmas Card and crossed out “Christmas” and put “Birthday” to communicate Happy Birthday to him. Abby put her hand to her mouth and yelled Ohhhhhh you said (communicated) a bad word.  I don’t even know which word I said!  Abby asked me why Damian (my dog) doesn’t wear pants.  Sometimes I don’t know how to answer her questions that she communicates with me.  She’s too smart.  Junior asked me (as he was telling me something) if I was listening and I responded “No.” But he continued to communicate talking as if I said yes.  But I guess saying no when someone asks if you’re listening isn’t fully true or how would you answer that person?  Abby wanted to drive Joshua to the library because he communicated that he wanted to go to it.  Abby got in the driver’s seat and communicated with me to stand in front of the car.  I’m thinking that I hope she doesn’t run me over.  Thankfully, she didn’t.  However, instead she slammed on the horn and I jumped.  She thought it was funny.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I’m communicating with you every Friday to do it through this nonsensical email.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if Abby instructs you to get in front of a car, she is driving don’t do it because she will honk the hearing out of your ears.

Have a great weekend!
Anthony