broodjets

***With the time change recently I felt a little off.  I wasn’t sure if it was yesterday, today, or tomorrow but then again, I always feel a little off.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.” Have a great weekend!***

Abraham Lincoln said do not put off to tomorrow what you can do today.  My eye doctor looked at pictures of my eyes and told me I have a nice looking macula.  I had to google that to see what she meant.  Maybe that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all along not showing off my macula enough instead of showing all my flaws.  Moise asked if he should put his birthday on Junior’s calendar.  Yes, Moise so he can remember if it’s yesterday, today or tomorrow (and buy you a gift).  Abby said on the phone to me can you come to our house today?  I told her I’m in school today. She asked What’s your teacher’s name?  I was thinking of a teacher’s name to tell Abby.  Moise was laughing at me, answering all her questions.  I always try to answer Abby’s questions yesterday, today and will do so tomorrow.  Moise says to Abby no more questions.  I asked if they are being good?  Joshua said no bro.  Moise says give me 1 second.  With those 2 Moise it will be a lot more than 1 second (it’ll take yesterday, today and tomorrow for you to get a handle on everything).  Joshua dropped a paper on the floor in the car and said he would tell daddy I did it.  I went to Abby.  You saw who did it Abby.  She said you did it.  I guess I was guilty in the eyes of children yesterday, today and tomorrow.   Abby asked me what my girlfriend’s name is.  I don’t know do I have to make up a name now.  She starts saying Anthony has a girlfriend and yelling around the room, dancing.  I won’t interrupt Abby’s catchy song and skilled dance she’s doing. Moise was pouring my trail mix into a bowl like pouring cereal.  He said he needs more (tomorrow?).  Moise you’re supposed to eat a handful, not a bowlful.  Moise says Junior looks good (today more than yesterday) and Junior says he’s eating healthier.  Don’t flatter him too much Moise next think I know he’ll start flexing.  Moise was asking me if I talk to this person still.  I said not too much they get mad at me too easily and I’m good at getting people mad.  He said that’s what you do best.  Yesterday Junior came in with a light shirt and was cold.  Today he comes in with a heavy sweater and is warm.  Tomorrow?  He will guess wrong again on the office temperature conditions.  I got a spam email.  Moise says they said “Regards” to you, it’s obviously fake.  True this person nor most people have any regard for me.  Moise got an email today that was sent yesterday.  Yesterday’s email references tomorrow (which is now today).  Moise reads it when it’s already tomorrow and says ok tomorrow sounds good.  But tomorrow is the day after today Moise and the tomorrow they were referencing was today.  It will be too late by then.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I need you to do it today (although if you did it yesterday that’s ok and tomorrow is acceptable too).  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want to be confused as to whether it’s yesterday, today or tomorrow just reread those last few sentences several times until your head hurts.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***We interrupt your Friday to bring you the Friday Email.  Today’s Friday Email is all about Interruptions.  Have a great weekend!***

We all interrupt people sometimes and other times they interrupt us.  Junior was saying he’s impressed with how many languages some people speak.  What about me?  He says I don’t know what language you speak with the things you say.  Moise always asks if he can ask a question but asks the question before you can say yes.  I guess before you can interrupt him and say no, he just asks it.  Damian interrupted my sleep and woke me up at 5AM on Saturday to lay on both my pillows. I’m almost on the floor.  Can you leave me like a little room here?  Moise told me that his phone said 20% chance of snow the day we were getting the blizzard.  Not to interrupt your weather app Moise but I think it meant 20 inches instead of %.  I was talking to Moise and he had me on speaker and the kids were around.  That was the end of Moise and my conversation (they interrupted us right away).  Abby started asking me a million questions.  Moise says Abby I’m busy, but Moise why do you interrupt my conversation with Abby?  The kids kept yelling “6, 7.” I’m still not sure what that thing is that kids are saying, but I won’t interrupt their fun.  Moise sees papers stuffed in the shredder we have.  He blames me right away.  Junior interrupted Moise and said it was him.  Why do I get blamed all the time here?  Moise tells me this person will not like me.  Why?  Junior says the problem with Anthony is his mouth.  He’s going to say something stupid at some point.  Moise says you have to come to Joshua’s graduation.  I interrupt him wait from high school?  Where have the years gone?  He says no Pre-K.  Pre-K has graduation?  Moise was asking me something, but I kind of went away from his question and told him something different.  He says you make my blood sugar go up.  Don’t let me interrupt your blood sugar flow Moise.  Moise text me on Saturday. Abby is waiting for you to take her to the store.  Uh, I don’t want to interrupt Abby’s plans she made for me, so I guess I better get going to see her.  We play a game where we pretend to turn into monsters and the way Abby tilts her head and makes her scary hand motions it interrupts my ability to think it’s just a game with how real she makes it.  Joshua was playing catch with me.  He caught the ball and I dropped it.  Looks like Joshua may join the Yankees someday.  Abby interrupted me talking to Moise to tell me to put my seatbelt on.  Moise emphasized that we can only buy 1 item at the store.  Abby says 5.  Maybe we can negotiate at 3 Moise?  Joshua was pushing Abby in the cart a bit and then I took over.  Abby says push me faster.  This is not a race car Abby.  And I don’t need encouragement to drive faster.  She did pick up some strawberry milkshake drink she claimed was healthy (it actually did look like the healthy kind) and then yelled coca cola!  But then claimed soda is bad for you.  Abby spotted a big jar of cheeseballs and clung to that like a pot of gold.  The jar was almost as big as her.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I won’t interrupt you by throwing 1 of the 1,000 cheese balls in that container Abby got at you to get your attention if you do your timesheet on your own.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want a cheeseball just ask Abby because she’s got a lifetime supply of them.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***You can easily be confused as to what day of the week it is sometimes, but Fridays are hard to confuse because you see the Friday Email pop up (wanted or unwanted) on Friday mornings.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Confusion.” Have a great weekend!

We all get confused about stuff sometimes.  It can be serious confusion (like where I put my car keys) or not so serious confusion (like would I rather have pizza or tacos).  I walked into the post office and the guy I know said you didn’t follow the line so go back out in the rain and come back.  Then I wasn’t able to get my charge to go through and he said just follow the instructions.  Don’t be confused, I didn’t come to the post office to feel like I’m in school again.  Moise was doing something and kept saying it’s 2025.  I’m in 2026 Moise.  You can stay in 2025 in your state of confusion.  Moise says something and I give a sarcastic “Obviously.” He says you are trying to play smart.  Who says I’m playing Moise?  Are you confusing me for not being smart?  Moise told Junior whatever he needed help with he’ll do…but don’t be confused Junior that does not include not bothering you.  Someone told me I was chewing my food too loudly.  Don’t be confused with my rudeness when you’re chewing grapes, how do you eat them quietly?  The world-famous mechanic “Doctor Joe” was with Moise and told him it’s too cold to do any work on his car now.  Doctor Joe told me he’s going to get pneumonia if he works outside in these conditions.  I feel like I’m a judge in a courtroom.  I agree with him.  Don’t be confused Moise, if the doctor gets pneumonia, then he becomes the patient.  Give him till April to work on your car.  Moise asked 45 minutes how many hours is it?  I was confused at first, thinking that’s not even 1 hour and figured out it’s 0.75.  Moise said Junior thinks bad things about him.  I said he thinks the same about me, Moise.  Moise says, but he sugarcoats it more with you.  With Moise it’s blunt.  Is bluntness better?  It avoids any confusion.  Moise was asking me something serious and says if you can’t help just say No. Me – No.  See how easy that was?  No confusion.  I found a phone on my desk (not mine) and said whose junky phone is this?   If someone doesn’t want it, I’ll put it on eBay for like $3.  Oh, wow it was Moise’s phone (I didn’t know that when I openly criticized it…or maybe I did).  Can’t confuse how much (or how little) his phone is worth.  Moise was giving me special instructions about something that’s very simple to do.  I was shrugging him off.  He says my goodness.  Am I being difficult?  Don’t be confused with that.  Junior was walking down the hallway slowly.  I am holding the door, but Junior can you speed up a bit or that coffee you’re walking with will wind up on the floor when I leave you out in the hallway and close the door.  Junior asked me about something, and I told him what I did.  He said you have a heart (he sounded confused and surprised).  Maybe he thought I had a black heart.  Moise was predicting “Flurries” for our last storm.  I knew we were in trouble then, so I went to check on my snow shovel.  Abby told me she can teach me Spanish.  Don’t be confused, Abby is a smart kid.  I saw Abby had a book about retirement she was trying to read.  Umm, aren’t you a little bit young for retiring before you even start working Abby?  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember being confused on what day to do it is not good so, please do your timesheet on Friday.  And remember if your life goal is to retire young then contact Abby because she’s reading up on retirement at the age of 3.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony 

***Sometimes when I’m walking Damian, I feel like he has a competition with every other dog and person to get their attention (even if it means pulling me to the floor).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Competition.”  Have a great weekend!***

There’s a lot of competition in the Winter Olympics.  These people spend their whole lives preparing for this moment.  Abby and Joshua had their own competition.  Abby kept saying Anthony look at me and then would make a cool jump.  Joshua would say Anthony look at me and do a cool kick.  Competition between siblings and competition for my attention.  It’s like when Moise and I compete to make Junior mad.  If one of us does, then the other feels jealous and starts thinking of a way to get under his skin.  Junior was trying to remember something.  Moise remembered it for Junior because it was a problem for him.  You compete to remember Junior’s problems Moise?  Junior was saying you know Anthony likes to instigate everything.  Moi?  I would never (except maybe every single Friday in the Friday Email).  Someone did something nice for me.  Moise says you think they did it because they like you?  They want something from you, he says.  Really?  I thought they did it because there was a competition for liking me.  Moise was asking me something and I said of course and gave him my logic.  He says he doesn’t buy my logic.  I’m competitively logical Mosie, so buy it.  I told Junior something I said to someone and that they must think I’m stupid.  He said of course they do.  Why of course Junior?  Just because Person A thinks I’m stupid doesn’t mean Person(s) B, C, and D think I am does it?  Moise locked himself out of his house and called me.  I asked him how’s the view out there?  He said it looks nice out (while shivering).  Joshua told Moise that he was late for something.  We all know that (he competes with himself to always be late for everything).  I call Junior but he says hold on.  I hear him saying to someone I’ll take this sandwich and a chocolate chip cookie…that sounds good Junior.  Get me 1?  He made a not so nice response to me.  I was renewing my contacts but ran out, so I wore my glasses for once.  My vision seems better with contacts (in a competition with glasses) so I told Junior you look good blurry. He said you look smart with glasses (so the 99.9% of the time I don’t wear them I look…not smart?).  Junior was complaining about someone saying they were acting like Moise. Competition to act like Moise from other people?  Moise says I have to be on time for this at home.  I said you’re always late.  Don’t ruin my reputation, he says.  Your reputation is already ruined.  He says he has 5% left (95 gone 5 to go).  Moise said when you gave Abby $5, she went to the store and spent $25 (A competitive spender Abby is).  Moise says I owe him $20. Abby says she bought me a big candy with sugar.  Joshua says sugar makes you strong.  Joshua put me in jail but put the light on for me (competition to be nicer than a real jail). Abby called the ER and told them the whole story.  Abby it’s an emergency.  You’re supposed to get to the point not tell them a long soap opera.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember there’s a lot of competition to be the best timesheet person and the worst timesheet person.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you have an emergency don’t have Abby call because she will have a long (casual) conversation on the phone while you’re trying to get help.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***This is not the first nor last time it will be cold this winter.  Damian loves it running around in snow but me I’m over it.  Today’s Friday Email is all about First vs. Last.  Have a great weekend!***

Most people would rather they be First not Last in most things.  If you run a race, you want to be first and not last.  Moise was saying what he did worked.  I said you want a pat on the back.  He said yes so, I gave him one (probably the first one he ever got and the last one he’ll ever get).  Moise read an email I sent on a Sunday and said you’re making jokes on a Sunday.  It’s not the first or last time I’ll joke around on a Sunday or any day Moise.  Moise gets up off his seat and says can I bother Junior for a second?  Me – Sure, I give you permission.  He seemed eager to run over to him (like a kid on Christmas morning running to his presents) before even getting an answer of yeah sure go for it.  Not the first (nor last) time Moise takes some enjoyment out of bothering Junior.  Me and Moise were disagreeing with Junior going back and forth.  Junior got annoyed at both of us and said do you two want to just “keep talking” (sounds like Moise’s first words as a baby as I hear them almost daily).  Junior was talking about how sometimes you have a problem and go to a doctor to have your problem fixed.  They can’t fix what’s wrong with me, Junior.  Moise saying he wants trail mix.  I gave him my new bag to take some. He takes some and then puts 98% of the bag left in his drawer.  Uhm that’s not the first but it is the last time I will give Moise trail mix.  Ever notice when someone swipes on you on teams?  You call and they immediately send you to voicemail.  I mean don’t make it so obvious you’re ignoring me.  At least let it ring a few times first.  Moise went from phone to teams to phone with Junior.  Junior flattering himself, Moise wants to talk to me.  Moise had a comment about Junior and said don’t flatter yourself.  Moise trying to go reverse with the alphabet.  He’s on N and can’t find where M would be.  Moise it’s the next letter up.  He said Abby can do the alphabet backwards (last letter to first letter) but not Moise obviously.  Junior tells me and Moise that we are chickens (not the first or last insult you’ll give us).  Moise was telling me who the best man that he knows is.  I asked what about me?  Am I even in the top 5?  It didn’t sound like it.  11AM meeting for Moise.  I tell him it’s 11:06 Moise you’re late.  He says I know that (as I hear his printer printing fast). A minute later I gave him an update Moise it’s 11:07 . You’re late.  Am I helping?  I’m 5 minutes late for a meeting the same day I make fun of Moise.  Well, I told them I’d be late.  Moise says that’s still late.  Moise coming up with a solution for a problem he has.  Me instead of encouraging him reiterating the problem and how his solution won’t work.  He says that’s the problem!  Abby called Moise at work and wanted a pink cake.  How am I going to find a pink one, he says.  I don’t know Moise but you better fulfill Abby’s request (not her first nor her last, she will have).  Moise told me I can “talk” and I should do a YouTube Show.  People will mute me Moise when they get tired of hearing me and minimize their YouTube when they get tired of seeing me (neither will take long).  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember that this is not the first or last time, I’ll ask you to do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you think you’ve had your fill of me on Fridays over the years imagine being forced to watch a YouTube Show of me. 

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Junior was eating a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast last week and it got me thinking by my math that would be a really good breakfast.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Mathematics.” Have a great weekend!***

I’ve always been a math guy.  Dunkin has a $5 deal including a wrap with egg, sausage and cheese.  Somehow, they charged me $1.50 extra for egg.  How do you charge me $1.50 extra for egg in what is called an EGG, sausage, and cheese wrap?  I put no egg, and it took the additional $1.50 off.  Nice math so I guess you can call it simply a sausage wrap.  I saw a story on how some people do a “Polar Plunge” in January.  They ran into the ice-cold ocean, and someone said you feel like you accomplished something.  By my math the only thing you accomplished is proving how crazy you are.  Moise said he asked me to make this list and I didn’t.  It’s here, Moise.  Where, he asks.  I told him to come see.  It’s beautiful just like me except for the scar under my eye.  Moise says call Junior for me.  I do.  Moise gets on my phone.  Junior says why is Anthony calling me for Moise?  Moise says by his math there’s a better chance you answer the phone if I call him rather than Moise.  I put the toaster on by my math for 10 minutes to heat up my food.  Got back and the plug was out.  Oops.  Not as bad as a friend of mine who put his Thanksgiving turkey in the oven one year went back 3 hours later to check on it and it wasn’t on.  Moise was having a problem with receiving emails (I consider that a blessing to be honest by my math the less emails the better) but he asked me to send him a test email.  I said can the test email be something bad about Junior?  He seemed fine with that.  Junior told Moise one morning last week you come in and don’t even say good morning.  Anthony is having a bad influence on you.  Huh?  I always say good morning, Junior.  What do you mean?  He says no; you say what’s up.  It’s the same thing Junior.  He says no, it’s not.  The next morning Junior comes in and says…what’s up.  He said oh I meant good morning.  Uh huh.  Sure, Junior, you just made my point.  Moise was asking which folder I wanted him to open.  I told him folder A.  He goes to do it, and I said no folder B. He goes to do it then I said no I meant A.  Sorry Moise, I’m better with mathematics/numbers and get easily confused with letters.  Moise was doing math manually on a piece of paper…carry the 1…Moise Abby can do this faster.  I come in with 2 (by math that would be 1 more than 1) bags of lunch.  Moise assumes 1 is for him.  No, they’re mine, one bag is chicken, and one is salad.  He says give me the chicken (how come he didn’t ask for the salad)?  Joshua told me I have a spider in my nose.  Those are called nose hairs (he wasn’t bored enough to use his math skills to count them) and when you get older, you get more of them.  Abby asked me to pick her up and called me “Anthony, bro” and by my math that’s a fine nickname.  Moise wanted to order chicken fingers with fries (by looking at the menu mathematically it looks like it’s not cheap).  It’s all grease Moise.  And it’s on the kid’s menu.  I’m an adult (well sort of) so I don’t order from the kid’s menu.  Although chocolate milk and chicken fingers sound very tempting, I must say.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I’m counting on you to do it and making the math of your hours work.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you’re craving some chicken fingers and chocolate milk on the kid’s menu then you’re probably just a big kid like me.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony