broodjets

***Today is the day most people take that moment to realize the holiday season (7.0 code for your timesheet) is coming with Thanksgiving being tomorrow (although some people had their Christmas lights up for a month already but that’s another matter for another day).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Thanksgiving Moments.” Have a great weekend!***

Thanksgiving has a lot of great moments.  You turn on the Thanksgiving Day Parade and it’s fun to watch.  You turn on football and it’s fun to watch (if it’s not the NY teams playing).  On Friday, Moise said What’s 7 days from yesterday.  I said it’s 6 days from today (or Thanksgiving ironically).  Moise said if someone doesn’t like you, they try to avoid your face (so I guess those relatives you don’t get along with aren’t going to show up for Thanksgiving).   Junior asks Moise a question.  Moise answers honestly.  Junior didn’t like his answer and said I don’t like greedy people.  Moise says Junior if I offer you a $10 bill or a $20 bill which would you take.  Junior says $20 (without hesitation – got to pay for all that Thanksgiving food).  Junior says 5 random things to Moise in 10 seconds.  Moise is overwhelmed and confused (like on Thanksgiving what do I eat there’s so many choices of food.)  Someone called me and asked for help with their timesheet.  I gave it.  They said let’s be honest I’m going to mess this up and call you back (ok just don’t call me on Thanksgiving though).  A friend of mine said “the wolf who cried sheep”.  Uh they meant the boy who cried wolf.  Would a wolf really cry about a sheep?  Scary sheep?  Wonder if they confuse chicken with turkey on Thanksgiving too.  Moise gets up to answer the door, but nobody is there.  He’s hearing things.  A ghost Moise.  It’s Thanksgiving, not Halloween.  It was 11:30AM and Moise said he was hungry.  I told him it’s too early for lunch and not my fault you didn’t eat breakfast.  He said he just ate his breakfast.  At 11:30, Moise?  Are you one of those people that eats all 3 meals in a row and not the rest of the day?  I wonder how that works on Thanksgiving.  I asked Junior if he wanted some of my onion rings.  He said no, I’m trying not to eat those.  Ok if I hold them over your nose, will that make it more tempting?  He said yes, so please don’t.  I put them right in front of him.  They are harder to resist than a Thanksgiving turkey.  Moise wants his traditional free Dunkin drink and bagel on Thanksgiving Eve.  He asked me about it last week already (how come he doesn’t forget that?).  I brought Damian over and he played with the kids.  We had to go home but Abby says 5 more minutes.  Ok, I stayed 5 more minutes and then she said 5 more minutes (I think this is a trick).  They fed Damian goldfish crackers not turkey.  Abby had a doctor’s kit and got a saw and used it to cut my wrist off.  What kind of doctor’s kit has a saw in it?  Then Abby took my temperature and said I have a fever and that she has to cut my ear off.  She comes at me with a pair of scissors.  This toy doctor’s kit seems scary.  Abby might cut the Thanksgiving turkey with all the tools in that doctor’s kit.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, please remember I won’t be thinking about timesheets on Thanksgiving (nor will you).  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you go to the doctor and they pull out a saw and sharp scissors they probably went to the same medical school that Abby went to.

Have a great weekend and Happy Thanksgiving!
Anthony

***Joshua and Abby asked me last weekend where is Michael Myers.  They wanted a repeat performance of me chasing them (and then them chasing me as him).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Repeats.”  Have a great weekend!***

Sometimes you might feel like certain parts of your life are a repeat.  Junior was walking into the office.  I asked Moise what’s the first word he’ll say to us?  Moise said it won’t be something good.  He says gentlemen.  Uh Junior, can you repeat that?  You sure you got the right 2 people?  I was eating while hanging over Junior’s cubicle talking to him with his back to me.  He turns around and says “What are you doing?” Eating Junior, why is my chewing annoying you?  He says yes.  I proceed to repeatedly chew even louder.  I went out on a cold day.  Come back.  It’s cold Moise I’d stay in if you can.  He said you went out?  Yes, I said.  Moise asked if I came back.  Well, I’m standing right in front of you so can you repeat that obvious question?  Moise said if he had to show someone his bad side he could but then he said Well I don’t have a bad side.  Hold up can you repeat that Moise?  You mean all these years this has been your GOOD side?  Who knew.  Junior repeatedly was choking on his coffee.  Went down the wrong pipe.  I was standing there observing as Junior was choking.  When he was done moments later he said you didn’t even try to save my life.  I mean I was going to Junior…eventually.  Junior talking with his hands to me venting about a random topic.  He said do you get my point?  Yes, I get it more when you repeatedly move your hands like that Junior.  I told Junior age is just a mindset.  Look at me Junior I’m like 12 in my mind.  He says that’s offensive to a 12-year-old.  Joshua took my Jets hat.  Moise said you will never cheer wearing that.  Abby said she wants a hat.  I said I’ll get you one.  What color do you want?  She said pink, green, blue and yellow.  All in one hat?  That’d be some fashion statement.  They took my jacket and ran away.  Moise tries to help.  I told him don’t worry everything is under control.  Moise says ok I will leave then.  Wait, I wasn’t serious.  Come back Moise.  I need help.  Moise wanted the kids to read.  They wanted to play with toys.  I’m with them.  3 vs. 1 Moise you are outvoted.  Junior was going out for lunch.  He asked, Do you guys want anything?  Me – I don’t have lunch.  Maybe a slice of pizza.  Moise – I do have lunch.  Oh, so nothing, Moise says. No wait Junior I’ll take a slice anyway.  Junior goes to pick it up.  While he’s gone Moise is repeatedly fighting his own conscience.  He says I feel bad I have lunch.  I know Junior was wanting me to say No. Moise says what WE did was wrong.  WE?  I don’t have lunch Moise.  Please do not group me with your moral issue (I have my own to deal with).  Moise says text Junior not to get Moise a slice.  Ok I go to text and suddenly Moise says you know what forget it let him pay for it. But I do feel bad, Moise says.  Obviously not bad enough to still eat it?  Junior returns.  I’m writing this date down, he says.  Moise said so am I because I am not sure when I will get this again.  Junior buying pizza happens as often as a lunar eclipse (or as often as I buy it).  Moise’s conscience was fighting, do I do the right thing or the free thing?  In that case, Moise will always choose the free thing.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, I repeatedly ask you every Friday to do it.  Some do.  Some don’t.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you think Moise took advantage of that free lunch from Junior then you’re probably right (and you’d probably do the same as him).

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***No insult to Mother Nature but when it turns colder this time of year I don’t really like it.  Today’s Friday Email is all about being insulted in today’s topic “Insults.” Have a great weekend!***

We all have been insulted before (and insulted others…sometimes by accident and other times by choice).  When people ask you for something and you say “tomorrow” you really mean “not today.” Do not get insulted if it does not actually happen tomorrow. I ordered a caprese salad. I figured salad with tomatoes, mozzarella etc.  I got tomatoes and mozzarella sliced up nicely but no salad. Sorry I did have one leaf of salad with it.  That is an insult to salads to refer to it as a salad. Damian and I were walking at the park and there was a wedding reception outside but Damian does not like to be overshadowed (he feels insulted) so he tried to jump on and play with the guests (and they cooperated even though they were wearing their nice tuxedos and dresses).  Junior felt insulted that it is dark when we leave work now. All this clock changing just throws everyone off. Joshua went on my phone and was ordering me a shirt.  I was not insulted by his choice of style only by the fact he had easy access to order using my credit card. Joshua says I look like blippi. Should I feel slightly insulted? Moise asked Abby where his car keys are. She said she lost them. Do not be insulted by her honesty. Abby says she and Joshua drank all the coca cola, but she will go to the supermarket to get me one. Moise says one second to Junior then says one minute. Do not insult anyone by telling them you are going to do something in one second because it is not practical. I told Abby I had to go home. She got insulted and said no you have to come to Burger King. When the Queen (Abby) says to go to the King you go. Abby offered me ketchup from her finger which was thoughtful (not insulting) but I prefer getting the ketchup from a packet. Junior said some people are extra talented. Like me? I pat myself on the chest. He said not exactly. I am not insulted that you do not think I have extra talent. Junior says my brain is not working for a moment. Ha, I wish I had it not working for “only” a moment. Junior was walking out on an autumn day. Do I need a jacket? I gave him a not so nice insult about how if he were a little tougher, he could deal with the temperature outside without a jacket. Moise asked me something. I give my explanation. He says no that is not what I meant. Ok try again Moise. He repeats word for word the exact same thing. Uh Moise if you are insulting me that I did not understand what you were asking me you should change the description of what you are asking so I can give a different answer.  I hear Moise singing. What are you trying to be like Junior? Sorry for the insult. Moise says no my singing is way better. I do bass. Not sure what you call what Junior does. I asked Moise how Abby was doing last week. She gets homework already, he says. 3 years old (I think I did not do homework till I was like 8 years old which explains a lot)? Moise helps her. Uh Moise, I think Abby will be doing her homework better without you soon. She already does, he said. She is doing stuff I do not even know how to do.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember I feel insulted if you don’t do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you need help with your homework (or timesheet) just call Abby.
Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Happy Halloween.  It’s that one day of the year you can dress up as anything you want and get free candy.  Oops I just said Moise’s favorite word “Free”.  Today’s Friday Email is all about Halloween Costumes.  Have a great weekend!***

Halloween is today and all the kids (and some adults) are picking their Halloween costumes for today. I almost knocked Junior over with coffee, he was holding all over his nice shirt.  If I did that he could have gone as a Human Starbucks for Halloween.  I realized our glue sticks in the office are purple (strange color) and orange on the outside.  Halloween colors.  Joshua was vacuuming while Abby was supervising (maybe Abby is a supervisor for Halloween).  Joshua asked if I needed a haircut.  You going to be a barber for Halloween?  Then Joshua puts a sticker on my boo boo.  Maybe Joshua is a doctor for Halloween, instead.  I remember when these kids one year on Halloween were in a store asking my grams to buy eggs for them to “bake a cake.” My grams asked if they thought she was a fool.  I went to a Halloween Haunted House with all these crazy Halloween costumes the actors were wearing and Moise asked if I was scared.  Of course I was.  That’s the point of it.  Junior got a call from AI.  He answers their questions.  Moise says I have a question for Junior.  My magic 8 ball says he will answer AI before he answers you Moise.  I told someone I looked like a monster when I fell a few weeks ago.  They said well now you don’t have to wear a mask for Halloween.  That’s not nice.  I put a medicine on that smelled bad.  I said I don’t like this smell, and someone told me hold your breath, so I did but then I’m like wait how long do I do this for?  They said as long as you can.  This sounds like a mean type of trick/game. I’m getting pizza.  I’ll pick up a slice for you guys.  I’ve been guilty in a court of Accounting Pizza Law about I haven’t bought pizza for years and years when other people have done so.  Junior said I’m going to hear about this in the Friday Email (wow you called that one perfectly).  Moise pulls out a “big bill” Junior said.  I ran over thinking he’s pulling out a $100 bill (maybe he’s treating everyone to pizza).  Moise says you don’t have to buy it.  I said it’s just pizza Moise not like I’m buying you a steak dinner.  Then I saw a look in his eyes like “that would be even better.” Junior was unhappy because it was cold.  You let it sit there for 15 minutes Junior that’s not my problem.  Moise was more appreciative and said he doesn’t care if it’s hot or cold if it’s free. I showed Abby a book with a picture of Michael Myers on it and asked her if she was afraid of him.  She said yes.  I told Abby I am afraid of him too (there’s no competition about who is the scariest horror character).  Joshua told me he’s not afraid of Michael Myers (show off).  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember I won’t scare you with sending Michael Myers after you if you don’t do it (but if you’re like Joshua you aren’t afraid of him anyway).  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember I may have bought pizza for once but don’t expect a steak dinner from me anytime soon.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Sometimes I feel like it’s a competition between Moise and Myself to see who can annoy Junior more on any given day (the most fun type of competition if you ask me).  Today’s Friday Email is all about various types of “Competition.” Have a great weekend!***

Sometimes you’ll hear people say that it’s not a competition so just do your best.  Damian was saying Hi to someone but then quickly left them to move on to the next person.  They said wait where are you going?  When Damian is at the park it’s a competition for his attention.  Moise and I were going to call the same person at the same time and see who they will answer first.  I realized how faulty that was though since we’re both dialing the same person at the same extension they can only answer the one who called first.  From a couple of weeks ago when our friend the expert mechanic Doctor Joe wanted a headlamp Moise and I both wound up ordering one for him.  I figured it was like a competition which he will like more.  Moise said I hope he likes yours more so I can return mine (refund).  I guess Moise is fine with losing that type of competition.  I told Junior something my friend said and he says she has common sense.  How come he never says that about me?  Moise says when I see a missed call from you I expect you are giving me a problem.  I asked innocently, why would I do that?  He said if it’s not a problem you text, if it’s a problem you call and make it worse.  Competition with myself to make it worse for Moise?  Junior was toasting some gluten free bread complaining it’s expensive.  Well Junior gluten free is competition for gluten filled.  Last week Moise said I see Abby is the first word in the Friday Email. There’s no competition Moise that she is the star of it.  I go to get some cream for my eye rash (there’s a lot of competition with so many kinds in the store) and the lady at the pharmacy says don’t get this in your eye.  I told her that wasn’t part of my plan.  Moise looked at it and said don’t get in your eye or in your mouth.  Who do you think you’re talking to Abby?  I said uh oh.  Junior said a 2-year-old says that.  He corrected himself and said make that a 1-year-old he says.  Junior interrupts me and says I know I may be annoying.  You are annoying, I said.  But in a competition for being annoying I think I could still beat you, Junior.  I told Moise of someone who I know personally who is arrogant.  Moise said explain what you mean.  I couldn’t think of how to explain exactly in words, so I gave some examples and finally said oh like me kind of!  Moise and I took Joshua and Abby to the library on Saturday.  Abby told me to shush in the library.  We were looking at a book of colors.  Abby knows her colors so much she could probably teach me them.  Joshua likes the color purple.  Moise and I tried to show him something in the book that was purple.  But then we looked and the book said that the object we showed him was red.  What are kids books trying to confuse kids (and me and Moise) these days?  I asked Joshua to show me something else that is purple.  He points to the bruise under my eye.  Uh well good point you got that one right.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember this is not a competition but if you do it then you may beat other people to it and can be proud of that.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you need any in depth analysis on colors just call Joshua and Abby.
Have a great weekend.

Anthony

***Abby always wants a yes or no answer.  She will not accept any less from any kids or adults (Abby is the boss).  Well today’s Friday Email is all about “Yes or No.” Have a great weekend!***

We all like straight-forward answers most of the time.  I saw a kid in a carriage and the mother was putting her groceries away not realizing the carriage was starting to roll down the hill of the parking lot while she was distracted.  Do I stop it?  Yes or no?  Some people get mad at everything these days so I debated whether I stop the carriage or let the kid crash.  I stopped it and fortunately, the mother didn’t say “Why are you saving my kid from crashing into a car?  How dare you?”  Moise asked Abby where the house keys were.  She said I don’t know.  But she always says she wants a yes or no answer.  She says she will find them later.  If you’re locked outside your house Moise then Abby will let you in…eventually sometime later maybe tomorrow or the day after?  Moise asked Junior if he wanted to get pizza.  Junior said yes and then a minute later regretted not saying no because he said, “He’s making me eat pizza.” Not healthy enough.  Moise shrugged his shoulders.  Junior, how was that pizza good?  Yes or no?  Well, I think Moise added 2 lbs to me, Junior said.  Pizza can’t be that bad, it’s not like it’s going to take away 2 years of your life Junior.  I think I’d rather gain 2 lbs.  I went to a doctor for my injured ankle.  I did not like him at all.  Wishy Washy answers from him instead of yes or no.  I got a text the next day asking me what I thought of him.  Scale of 0-10.  I put 0.  I got a reply of sorry that you didn’t have a good experience.  Please tell us why.  My response like every mature adult was “He was a doofus.”  I hope he read that (he would probably have to google the word doofus as only a kid or an adult with the mind of a kid would use that word).  Is Junior getting lunch or you Moise?  Moise says he’ll get it if Junior gives him the money.  That’s a no answer by default because we know Junior isn’t giving you the money for it.  Junior was saying to me this place he’s going to wants $20 for valet parking.  Do you think I want to pay $20?  I said No Junior, I don’t think you want to pay $2 even.  He said exactly.  We’re on the same page for once.  Junior caught himself doing a bad habit that I have.  He says look at you now being a negative influence on me.  Yes, Junior you are becoming more like me every day (perish the thought).  Moise says why are you off for a couple days?  Because I work hard Moise.  I need a break.  He sucks his teeth (is that him agreeing or disagreeing with me).  Abby saw my injuries and asked who squashed me.  She really thinks I was in a fight.  I said nobody Abby.  She said who pushed you?  I just fell Abby.  Moise said I am reckless in the way I drive.  Says the person who’s gotten how many safe drivers of the year awards (0)?  Junior told me about 2 people who he knows are close friends.  I said that I bet they aren’t closer than me and Moise.  He said yes, that’s true.  They both have a life outside of each other.  Was that supposed to be an insult?  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember that I don’t need to hear a story about why you did it or didn’t do it.  Just say, yes you did or no you didn’t.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember Junior probably thinks you have more of a life than Moise or I do.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Pennies are overlooked when you think about it.  People always say it’s “Just a penny” if they lose one.  You never hear oh I lost “just a quarter” if they lose one.  Today’s Friday Email is dedicated to pennies in “Penny For Your Thoughts.” Have a great weekend!***

Sometimes people will say they’d like to have a “Penny for your thoughts.” But would they really give you a penny for you to tell them what you’re thinking?  I found a quarter Junior dropped (that would be a lot of pennies…25 to be exact) and returned it to him because I may be a lot of things, but a thief is not one of them.  Random call.  I answer.  He says Janet.  I told him wrong #.  He said oh ok.  He says my name is…*click* didn’t give you a chance for a penny for your thoughts to sell me something.  Junior said he has money in his car he needs to get.  Then he says, “why am I telling you?”  You think I’m going to take the pennies from your car Junior?  Junior was stuck on a problem at work.  He asked me for a penny for my thoughts.  I gave him a few pennies of my thoughts (I don’t have too many pennies working in my head on a daily basis) and he said thanks.  I helped.  Then he said did I really help, or did he figure it out on his own?  You already thanked me Junior whether I helped or not is irrelevant.  He said I helped him a little that my brain gave him 10% power his brain did 90% of the work.  Junior’s brain is almost a dime and mine is a penny by that ratio.  I wrote down on my daily things to do list “Annoy Junior.”  I had to ask him if I could check that off.  He said yes.  Moise was doing something.  I have a faster way Moise.  Penny for my thoughts?  I told him my idea, and he said it’s a great idea and then not even 5 seconds later dismissed my idea.  I told Junior I finished something I was working on.  He said, “you want a cookie?”  Maybe I’d prefer a lot of pennies from you Junior instead of a cookie (unless it’s chocolate chip).  Moise said I’m looking at getting another car.  Why are you telling me?  He says you can donate.  I said “Pennies?” Junior calls me when I arrive in the parking lot at work. You’re going to interrupt my Disturbed song really?  I called him back.  What do you want?  Oh, I wanted you to stop and get me Dunkin (Dunkin costs a lot of pennies these days Junior).  Joshua was playing with my phone and almost called 911.  That phone call is going to get me in a lot of trouble (more than pennies) for a non-emergency.  Joshua tried to grab my eyebrow hair.  I guess he felt there was more available than on my head (pennies worth of hair).  I was saying something, and Junior was in disbelief at what I was saying so he said, “Do you hear yourself talk?” I do Junior and sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me (you don’t want a penny for my thoughts). I’m finishing up this Friday Email and decide to take a break so I take Damian to the park.  We meet a dog.  I asked what’s her name.  “Penny.” Not joking.  Very ironic.  Moise walks in “I have a problem.” Junior said, “Your life is a problem.” Well, Moise, you need more pennies with heads up for good luck.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet just remember I’m not offering you pennies to do your timesheet (I think I already offered money one-time years ago and that is the last time I ever will) but please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you find a penny on the ground and it’s heads up hand it to Moise for good luck.
Have a great weekend!
Anthony