broodjets

***This is not the first nor last time it will be cold this winter.  Damian loves it running around in snow but me I’m over it.  Today’s Friday Email is all about First vs. Last.  Have a great weekend!***

Most people would rather they be First not Last in most things.  If you run a race, you want to be first and not last.  Moise was saying what he did worked.  I said you want a pat on the back.  He said yes so, I gave him one (probably the first one he ever got and the last one he’ll ever get).  Moise read an email I sent on a Sunday and said you’re making jokes on a Sunday.  It’s not the first or last time I’ll joke around on a Sunday or any day Moise.  Moise gets up off his seat and says can I bother Junior for a second?  Me – Sure, I give you permission.  He seemed eager to run over to him (like a kid on Christmas morning running to his presents) before even getting an answer of yeah sure go for it.  Not the first (nor last) time Moise takes some enjoyment out of bothering Junior.  Me and Moise were disagreeing with Junior going back and forth.  Junior got annoyed at both of us and said do you two want to just “keep talking” (sounds like Moise’s first words as a baby as I hear them almost daily).  Junior was talking about how sometimes you have a problem and go to a doctor to have your problem fixed.  They can’t fix what’s wrong with me, Junior.  Moise saying he wants trail mix.  I gave him my new bag to take some. He takes some and then puts 98% of the bag left in his drawer.  Uhm that’s not the first but it is the last time I will give Moise trail mix.  Ever notice when someone swipes on you on teams?  You call and they immediately send you to voicemail.  I mean don’t make it so obvious you’re ignoring me.  At least let it ring a few times first.  Moise went from phone to teams to phone with Junior.  Junior flattering himself, Moise wants to talk to me.  Moise had a comment about Junior and said don’t flatter yourself.  Moise trying to go reverse with the alphabet.  He’s on N and can’t find where M would be.  Moise it’s the next letter up.  He said Abby can do the alphabet backwards (last letter to first letter) but not Moise obviously.  Junior tells me and Moise that we are chickens (not the first or last insult you’ll give us).  Moise was telling me who the best man that he knows is.  I asked what about me?  Am I even in the top 5?  It didn’t sound like it.  11AM meeting for Moise.  I tell him it’s 11:06 Moise you’re late.  He says I know that (as I hear his printer printing fast). A minute later I gave him an update Moise it’s 11:07 . You’re late.  Am I helping?  I’m 5 minutes late for a meeting the same day I make fun of Moise.  Well, I told them I’d be late.  Moise says that’s still late.  Moise coming up with a solution for a problem he has.  Me instead of encouraging him reiterating the problem and how his solution won’t work.  He says that’s the problem!  Abby called Moise at work and wanted a pink cake.  How am I going to find a pink one, he says.  I don’t know Moise but you better fulfill Abby’s request (not her first nor her last, she will have).  Moise told me I can “talk” and I should do a YouTube Show.  People will mute me Moise when they get tired of hearing me and minimize their YouTube when they get tired of seeing me (neither will take long).  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember that this is not the first or last time, I’ll ask you to do it.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you think you’ve had your fill of me on Fridays over the years imagine being forced to watch a YouTube Show of me. 

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***Junior was eating a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast last week and it got me thinking by my math that would be a really good breakfast.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Mathematics.” Have a great weekend!***

I’ve always been a math guy.  Dunkin has a $5 deal including a wrap with egg, sausage and cheese.  Somehow, they charged me $1.50 extra for egg.  How do you charge me $1.50 extra for egg in what is called an EGG, sausage, and cheese wrap?  I put no egg, and it took the additional $1.50 off.  Nice math so I guess you can call it simply a sausage wrap.  I saw a story on how some people do a “Polar Plunge” in January.  They ran into the ice-cold ocean, and someone said you feel like you accomplished something.  By my math the only thing you accomplished is proving how crazy you are.  Moise said he asked me to make this list and I didn’t.  It’s here, Moise.  Where, he asks.  I told him to come see.  It’s beautiful just like me except for the scar under my eye.  Moise says call Junior for me.  I do.  Moise gets on my phone.  Junior says why is Anthony calling me for Moise?  Moise says by his math there’s a better chance you answer the phone if I call him rather than Moise.  I put the toaster on by my math for 10 minutes to heat up my food.  Got back and the plug was out.  Oops.  Not as bad as a friend of mine who put his Thanksgiving turkey in the oven one year went back 3 hours later to check on it and it wasn’t on.  Moise was having a problem with receiving emails (I consider that a blessing to be honest by my math the less emails the better) but he asked me to send him a test email.  I said can the test email be something bad about Junior?  He seemed fine with that.  Junior told Moise one morning last week you come in and don’t even say good morning.  Anthony is having a bad influence on you.  Huh?  I always say good morning, Junior.  What do you mean?  He says no; you say what’s up.  It’s the same thing Junior.  He says no, it’s not.  The next morning Junior comes in and says…what’s up.  He said oh I meant good morning.  Uh huh.  Sure, Junior, you just made my point.  Moise was asking which folder I wanted him to open.  I told him folder A.  He goes to do it, and I said no folder B. He goes to do it then I said no I meant A.  Sorry Moise, I’m better with mathematics/numbers and get easily confused with letters.  Moise was doing math manually on a piece of paper…carry the 1…Moise Abby can do this faster.  I come in with 2 (by math that would be 1 more than 1) bags of lunch.  Moise assumes 1 is for him.  No, they’re mine, one bag is chicken, and one is salad.  He says give me the chicken (how come he didn’t ask for the salad)?  Joshua told me I have a spider in my nose.  Those are called nose hairs (he wasn’t bored enough to use his math skills to count them) and when you get older, you get more of them.  Abby asked me to pick her up and called me “Anthony, bro” and by my math that’s a fine nickname.  Moise wanted to order chicken fingers with fries (by looking at the menu mathematically it looks like it’s not cheap).  It’s all grease Moise.  And it’s on the kid’s menu.  I’m an adult (well sort of) so I don’t order from the kid’s menu.  Although chocolate milk and chicken fingers sound very tempting, I must say.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember I’m counting on you to do it and making the math of your hours work.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you’re craving some chicken fingers and chocolate milk on the kid’s menu then you’re probably just a big kid like me.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony

***I get into my car every day thinking to myself yay I get to see Moise. I’m sure Junior thinks the same exact thought when he gets into his car to see me. Today’s Friday Email is all about “Cars.” Have a great weekend!!!*

A lot of us look at our cars as more of an expense and a headache, but they’re valuable to us who own them.  Damian likes to go in the car to go to the park and after it snowed recently, we found a nice path that was plowed.  But Damian decided to jump off the clean path and into the snow on the side of the path and pull me into it.  Nice of him.  I got out of my car and into work for the new year and someone said to me oh people are going to love you with this end of the year timesheet stuff.  I sense sarcasm.  Junior asked me if his new sweater looked ok.  I didn’t think much of it Junior but now that you mention it, you may want to go back in your car, go home, and find a better sweater than the one you’re wearing.  We were going through employee names alphabetically and were up to S and the next name Moise gives me starts with a B.  Umm I hope you can drive a car better than alphabetize Moise.  Moise was printing a very important document on his printer and suddenly the printer made a crunching sound like brakes on a car that were no longer functional.  Moise said “No, No, No.” I responded “Yes, Yes, Yes.”  I got into my car to pick up lunch and Junior asked me for some onion rings.  Uh I didn’t buy them Junior.  You complain they aren’t healthy and now you want them?  Abby wanted to get in the car and go to the library on New Year’s Day, but I told her it was closed.  She told me no, it’s not.  I guess those librarians aren’t entitled to a holiday, according to Abby.  I asked her if she wanted to go to the library to read or play and she immediately said play!  I arrived in my car at Moise’s house, got out and saw Joshua and Abby looking through the window from inside the house saying my name repeatedly.  At Moise’s house, I get cheered.  At Savin I get booed.  Joshua told me he can drive a bumper car (hey, that’s how I drive too).  We were getting ready to leave work and the kitchen was completely dark in Savin.  Moise starts filling up his water bottle in the dark (it’s so dark we can’t even see the water) before going to the car in the parking lot.  Should we turn the light on Moise?  Or just guess when the bottle is full (and if we guess wrong, the puddle on the floor will alert us when it is overfilled).  Moise was getting a call from home base as it was getting late, and he needed to get in his car and leave, but he says she doesn’t understand.  She thinks we just play all day because she reads your crazy Friday Email.  Hold up so you’re saying we don’t play all day?  I never realized that.  I was driving Moise in my car somewhere and he put his seatbelt on.  I told him you don’t need your seatbelt.  He said I really need it when you drive.  Moise calls my car a toy and said even Junior wouldn’t drive this car.  So, you just insulted me, my car and Junior all in the same sentence?  Moise called out to me to hit the brake, and I told him I don’t like using the brake much.  Moise said if a smaller car goes 65MPH and a bigger car goes 55MPH that the bigger car will pass the slower car.  I don’t believe that Moise.  But if that was true, why am I always passing bigger cars?  That means I’m going like 20MPH faster than them?  Well, that is possible.  He said you hear that sound?  The car is going to get stuck soon.  I don’t hear anything Moise and if the car does get stuck guess who’s getting stuck with me?  That would be the passenger (you).  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, if you’re in your car and forgot to do it, just remember to do it when you get home.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want your driving to be critiqued just call Moise.

Have a great weekend!
Anthony

***Everyone is obsessed with making New Year’s Resolutions and changing but sometimes the best resolutions are to be the same way you already are (I don’t think Junior agrees with that about me though).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “New Year Same Resolution.” Have a great weekend!***

It’s a new year and everyone comes up with their new resolutions but maybe some things we shouldn’t change.  Junior said that Moise is that one person who can easily get under his skin and aggravate him.  An example is Moise went to lunch at 3PM recently and Junior noticed.  Junior said Moise went to lunch this late?  Junior says Moise is such an interesting guy walking away shaking his head.  You know Moise’s lunch is around dinner time Junior so new year same resolution with Moise’s timing (or should I say lack of).  I was on the phone with Junior and Moise wanted to talk to him.  He’s waiting for Junior to ask for him.  I told Moise that I heard your name Moise now from Junior, but Moise said I bet it’s not good.  I told Junior good news, Moise is here.  He says what’s the good news.  Apparently, I gave him the bad news without realizing it.  Junior was driving somewhere and told Moise he’d be there at 5:55. Moise looks at the (current) time and says it’s 5:37 Junior. Junior says 5:55. Moise says 5:37. Moise if you do not understand, he is telling you what time his GPS says he’ll arrive not the current time!  I hadn’t seen Joshua and Abby for a few weeks (too long) and Moise told me they were asking for me.  They saw a red car outside their house and thought it was me.  New Year same resolution to see them as often as possible.  My favorite thing to do when I’m on vacation from work is to see all the people who don’t know (or don’t care) I’m on vacation sending me requests, questions, etc. and then forwarding them all to Moise to help keep him busy.  New Year same resolution from me.  I showed Junior this desk I moved up a long driveway. He says how did you do that on your own?  I flexed to him.  He didn’t seem impressed.  New Year same resolution to try (harder) to impress Junior.  Moise was directing me to go up on the computer screen to find a specific file.  I clicked up.  Go down, he says.  I go down.  Now he says back up.  I went back up to where I was.  Then he says back down.  Is this a Moise or (computer) Mouse exercise?  New Year same resolution for Moise to confuse me.  Abby told me it’s daddy’s work to clean the snow.  Well Abby, I agree with you, let Moise clean the snow, and you watch him while you play in it.  I’m calling this company.  I googled them before calling and the first thing I noticed is out of 200 people who rated them; they got 1.2 stars out of 5.  Seriously?  This is not going to go well.  Attempt #1 I choose the option appropriate for me, and they immediately hang up on me.  Attempt #2 was worse than attempt #1 because the guy I got a hold of continuously went into long silent moments when I’d ask him a question, and I could hear him googling my question to give me an answer.  Attempt #3 the person I got on the phone told me she can’t answer my questions straightforwardly (probably because she doesn’t know how to use google like the previous guy to at least attempt to look up the answers).  New Year same resolution to earn those 1.2 stars.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember some of you deserve 5 stars for how well you do your timesheet and others well you deserve 1.2 stars.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you are looking up someone, you’re about to call for help and they got 1.2 stars just don’t bother even trying.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony 

***Some people may feel sad when the holidays end but just remember they will return someday.  Every time I leave from visiting Joshua and Abby, I always think of the next time I’ll return to see them ASAP.  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Returns.” Have a great weekend!***

With the holidays ending, many people may want to return the gifts they received if they don’t like them.  Junior’s been trying to return me for many years.  I have to write a classy note to someone for the holidays.  A classy note from a classy guy Junior.  He says yeah sure. My teams wasn’t working.  I was on a call with someone but couldn’t hear them.  Maybe I should return it?  Oh, I had it on mute.  Oops.  Last week one morning I was running and this big dog came charging right at me.  It made me want to turn around and return where I came from, but he followed me.  Fortunately, his bark was worse than his bite.  Moise said he finished 45% of this project we’re working on.  I laughed and said 45% that’s not good.  He asked how much I finished.  I said uh like 35%.  Ok, maybe 45% isn’t too bad, and I should return to finishing the project.  Moise said he’s trying to figure out how to say okay.  I like O…K. Don’t return to your keyboard after typing those 2 simple letters (just send it).  I see someone calling my cell with the name showing up as “CC”. Do I answer?  Who is CC?  The Yankees had a pitcher CC Sabathia.  Could it be him?  Maybe he’s a fan of the Friday Email?  Moise says don’t you remember CC who used to work for Savin?  CC?  Initials?  No, I don’t Moise.  I decided to answer.  It’s some lady asking for “Chimney Cleaning.” Ahh CC.  I should have known that it stands for Chimney Cleaning.  No, I don’t have time to return your call only immediately to hang up.  Moise was asking me something, and I gave him a “smart” answer.  He returns my smart answer by saying don’t try to sound smart.  I’m not trying Moise it just comes naturally.  Someone put “holiday code – 7.0” for the holiday party.  I said that it is incorrect, but they returned saying well it’s a holiday party so maybe it should go to holiday code.  I guess if you look at it that way!  I call someone Monday AM and they answer automatically with “oh I’m so sorry timesheet.” I returned their response with I can’t have a normal conversation with anyone on a Monday.  If I call, they know why.  Moise was asking me a yes or no question.  I answered yes.  He returns with asking again.  I said no.  He said no for real.  You didn’t like yes or no so what do you want me to answer “maybe”?  Junior says I have to leave on time today to make an appointment. Walking out swiftly and Moise calls him to return before he reaches the door with a “question.” Junior looks back at Moise not happy and Moise says oh I was just kidding.  Moise is waiting for a report to run that I’m running on my computer.  He says it should be finished.  I return with it’s not Moise.  5 seconds later he says it should be finished.  I return with it’s not Moise.  You play too much, he says.  I’m just being honest.  It’s running on my computer, and guess what?  It’s still not finished, Moise.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, just remember to return your timesheet with the hours filled in.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want to frustrate Moise just let him know the report I was running for him is…still…not…finished.

Have a great weekend!
Anthony

***Happy Holidays.  Damian is waiting to get plenty of gifts (he’ll play with a toy for 5 minutes and move on to the next one).  Today’s Friday Email is all about Happy Holidays.  Have a great weekend!***

The holidays are upon us.  And everyone is trying to be in the spirit of the holiday season.  Junior asked Moise for a #.  It’s a 7 digit #.  Moise says 27…and stops.  Junior says I need the whole #!  Maybe it was Santa’s phone number Junior was looking for.  Moise said in one second, he will do something.  I counted to one.  He says you sound like Abby.  I take that as a compliment during the holiday season or any time of year.  My friend said she’s a hopeless romantic and I told her never strive to be referred to as “hopeless” in any way shape or form (although Junior often calls me hopeless).  Moise hears me talking to an employee on the phone about timesheet stuff.  You just talk talk talk he says.  Moise was accusing Junior of something.  Junior says you want to look before you accuse?  No accusing first is WAY more fun Junior.  Moise was saying if he tells Junior what he’s about to tell him Junior is going to explode.  Me – “Tell him Tell him” (like a cheerleader at a sporting event)!  Junior said he likes my new jacket.  I told him where I got it from and it’s not crazy expensive.  He said it was too expensive for him still (Moise will buy it for you for the holidays…unlikely). Moise looking at pens.  Do we have blue pens, he asks.  You’re already holding one (a blue pen) and the ones you’re currently looking at trying to find a blue pen are red.  Should I call Abby to help you with your colors?  I said this person now officially hates me.  Someone said so add them to the list.  I’ve got more haters this holiday season than The Grinch apparently.  Something Moise and I did something last week that made Junior mad (it was one step above breathing it was so minor).  Junior says I just hate you guys.  Happy Holidays Junior to you too.  Moise said many people will take the 36th off.  It made me curious to check my December calendar for the 36th.  I kept looking but couldn’t locate it.  Oh, he meant the 26th.  Junior said should I drink coffee on the day of the holiday party?  What if I spill it on me?  So, what Junior you’ll look festive for the holidays.  I admire people who have coffee stains, that’s how much I love coffee.  Junior tries to get Moise up, so we won’t show up late for once.  It worked.  First time for everything, Junior said.  As we approached the event, Junior almost took out a runner with his car (maybe he thought it was me running). The runner was not happy with Junior (he will not wish you a Happy Holidays).  I was driving right behind Junior and let the guy go, and he waved to me.  The person taking our coats asked Junior and I if we are together?  We looked at each other (not sure how she meant that) but no matter what we both immediately said no (if it was Moise I would have said yes).  Junior said sometimes people ask me what I’m eating for lunch.  I don’t like it.  What am I eating?  What’s the ingredients?  Where did I get it from?  Moise says if someone asks him what he’s eating, he says I don’t know but it tastes good.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, it doesn’t matter if it’s a holiday or not timesheets don’t take a holiday.  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you want to annoy Junior when you see him wish him a Happy Holiday and then ask him what he’s eating, what’s in it and where did he get it from.

Have a great weekend!

Anthony 

***Today is the day most people take that moment to realize the holiday season (7.0 code for your timesheet) is coming with Thanksgiving being tomorrow (although some people had their Christmas lights up for a month already but that’s another matter for another day).  Today’s Friday Email is all about “Thanksgiving Moments.” Have a great weekend!***

Thanksgiving has a lot of great moments.  You turn on the Thanksgiving Day Parade and it’s fun to watch.  You turn on football and it’s fun to watch (if it’s not the NY teams playing).  On Friday, Moise said What’s 7 days from yesterday.  I said it’s 6 days from today (or Thanksgiving ironically).  Moise said if someone doesn’t like you, they try to avoid your face (so I guess those relatives you don’t get along with aren’t going to show up for Thanksgiving).   Junior asks Moise a question.  Moise answers honestly.  Junior didn’t like his answer and said I don’t like greedy people.  Moise says Junior if I offer you a $10 bill or a $20 bill which would you take.  Junior says $20 (without hesitation – got to pay for all that Thanksgiving food).  Junior says 5 random things to Moise in 10 seconds.  Moise is overwhelmed and confused (like on Thanksgiving what do I eat there’s so many choices of food.)  Someone called me and asked for help with their timesheet.  I gave it.  They said let’s be honest I’m going to mess this up and call you back (ok just don’t call me on Thanksgiving though).  A friend of mine said “the wolf who cried sheep”.  Uh they meant the boy who cried wolf.  Would a wolf really cry about a sheep?  Scary sheep?  Wonder if they confuse chicken with turkey on Thanksgiving too.  Moise gets up to answer the door, but nobody is there.  He’s hearing things.  A ghost Moise.  It’s Thanksgiving, not Halloween.  It was 11:30AM and Moise said he was hungry.  I told him it’s too early for lunch and not my fault you didn’t eat breakfast.  He said he just ate his breakfast.  At 11:30, Moise?  Are you one of those people that eats all 3 meals in a row and not the rest of the day?  I wonder how that works on Thanksgiving.  I asked Junior if he wanted some of my onion rings.  He said no, I’m trying not to eat those.  Ok if I hold them over your nose, will that make it more tempting?  He said yes, so please don’t.  I put them right in front of him.  They are harder to resist than a Thanksgiving turkey.  Moise wants his traditional free Dunkin drink and bagel on Thanksgiving Eve.  He asked me about it last week already (how come he doesn’t forget that?).  I brought Damian over and he played with the kids.  We had to go home but Abby says 5 more minutes.  Ok, I stayed 5 more minutes and then she said 5 more minutes (I think this is a trick).  They fed Damian goldfish crackers not turkey.  Abby had a doctor’s kit and got a saw and used it to cut my wrist off.  What kind of doctor’s kit has a saw in it?  Then Abby took my temperature and said I have a fever and that she has to cut my ear off.  She comes at me with a pair of scissors.  This toy doctor’s kit seems scary.  Abby might cut the Thanksgiving turkey with all the tools in that doctor’s kit.  Now when it comes to doing your timesheet, please remember I won’t be thinking about timesheets on Thanksgiving (nor will you).  Please do your timesheet on time today and remember if you go to the doctor and they pull out a saw and sharp scissors they probably went to the same medical school that Abby went to.

Have a great weekend and Happy Thanksgiving!
Anthony